


I want to break the cage

by sansa_sandor_shipper



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Jane Eyre (2006), Jane Eyre (2011), Jane Eyre - All Media Types, Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Child Abuse, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Love, Mystery, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sansa_sandor_shipper/pseuds/sansa_sandor_shipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sansa Stark is an orphaned girl, taken in by her father's, friends family, (Robert Baratheon who dies shortly after she is taken in), with no known siblings she is taken in by the newly named Lannisters at Casterly House<br/>After her treatment at Red Keep school she is taken governess by the mysterious and a dark Mr Clegane.<br/>She softens the heart of her employer, but what will happen when a terrible secret is revealed?<br/>And will she break her cage?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

Mrs Lannister had told us that a walk was out of the question, being that, the clouds had started to settle and rain had concluded any chance of an out doors revival. But there was no disappointment, I disliked long walks, especially when it was damp, at the mud would stick to your shoes, or you would be pushed over. Then Mother Lannister would scold you for being a devilish child.

You could be near you death of cold, and our nurse would not pay you the slightest of attention, she was there for the Lannister children. Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen. The three children I grew with. All four of the Lannisters with golden blonde hair, myself with auburn. The colour of the devil, as Joffrey had called it.

My parents had died when I was young, I do not know what from, as I never ask, my elder brother died before I was born. Then apparently my three unknown siblings and a cousin, ran from home, they were all born after me,except the cousin, but I did not remember any of them. I do not understand how you could have kept 4 children in secret, it always seems foolish. On his deathbed, my father had asked his friend, Mr. Robert Baratheon, to take me into his care, and too see me as one of his own.

Mr Baratheon, was a kind, but a poor deluded man, who died shortly after my dear father, leaving me with the newly named Lannisters, they took their preferred mothers name. Not wanting to shine light on to their Baratheon half.

The mentioned Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen, were now as of present, surrounded at their mothers feet, staring up at her, she was seeming to be reliving there 'troubled' poor minds with a joyous story. Of course, I would not know, as I had been excluded from all family invitations, myself being a unsatisfactory excuse for a young child, whence such fine ones were in front of me.

When I had asked Mrs Lannister why I could not join the 'darlings'. She replied

“Your behavior, is, disgraceful, as far as we see you do not display any sign of knowledge beyond your own interests and you do not thank the hand that feeds you. Taking all and never giving, still being the perfect child you are, you are perfect enough in your own company, but in ours you are insolent, and I will not tolerate it, so, no, you will not be aloud such privileges as being in ours.”

The drawing room, where we were situated, was a joining room to the library. I walked into the wooden expanse and my heart leapt at the sight of such joy. The Lannister children and their mother were still in the drawing room, so I picked out my usual. The Journals of Lewis and Clark, all about the 'Voyage of discovery', an expedition from the Missouri River to the northern Pacific coast and back. Sitting myself on the window seat, I sat cross-legged.

I loved the idea of adventure and the unknown, as I, never ventured from the surrounding lands of house. Not a very fascinating life, for any young person. The idea of exploration, and escape, spoke to me like a sentence of hope, that it was over the hills.

“Where are you Rat?” I suddenly heard a whiney whisper of Joffrey. Approaching my hiding place, I drew the curtain silently. Holding my breath so he might walk past me. I clutched the book to my chest and my eyes grew wide as he walked past me. “Myrce, Tom, come, we must find the Rat.” His two younger siblings seemed to comply with his orders, they were just as scared of him as me, I could understand that much.

Joffrey was a school boy of sixteen years old: born four years prior to my birth, as I was twelve. A tall weedy boy, with long lanky limbs and a tendency for sweet things, giving him the most unpleasant smell in the mornings. He was intended to be at school, but Mrs Lannister, insisted, his fragile health was wavering and he couldn’t be put at risk of illness.

Now, I was intending to sneak from the lion, as him and his siblings had walked the other way. I was accustomed to Joffrey Lannisters daily abuse, but I would sidestep it, if it were possible. “There you are Rat!” I heard him exclaim, then I started to run. But he was faster, and caught me by the hair. “Where were you Rat?” I had fallen to my knees now but he was still dragging me, myself falling on the floor and crying out as my strands of hair were pulled out.

“I was reading.” He was pulling me to the library. Shoving me against a wall, he pointed to the bookcase with a long finger.

“What book Rat?”

“The journal of Lewis and Clark.” Striking me swiftly across the face, he drew a large,heavy book from the shelf.

“There, my books, all mine, like this house in a few years, like you! Here to treat as I please, for my own amusement!” Drawing the book back and hitting me with it, sending my head crashing to the left, into the wood of the bookcase. My head span for a minute before I felt the stream of blood down the side of my head. The cut was not to deep,but it stung all the same.  
With a sudden rise of rage within me, I jumped forward, pushing Joffrey to the ground. Hitting him, and punching, and scratching and kicking.  
“Mother mother!” He cried out.

As soon as the startled Mrs Lannister walked into the library, yelling for two servants. They pulled me off Joffrey, but I held onto the wretch for a few more moments, kicking him as I left screaming. The two servants dragged me upstairs, to one of the spare bedrooms, whose furnishings were all covered with rugs and whose fireplace had not been cleaned in a year. Quickly exiting the servants closed and locked the door. I heard the slight chime of moving keys as she walked away, then I ran to the door banging on the wood, trying to break free from my cage.

When I soon came to the conclusion that there would be no rescue, I stepped back, turning and taking in the room. The curtains were a deep red, the bed, had four thick mahogany posts holding it up, with yellow drapes pulled back on each side, the fireplace was gloomy, I stepped toward it. Eyeing the black soot covering bricks with apprehension. Kneeling down, I heard a rumble up above in the chimney. Story’s of fire breathing beasts and ghosts filled my imagination.

The room was cold from the absence of a fire, it was quiet because of its distance from any children, it was lonely because it had always been solitary, and it was of death, because this was where Mr Baratheon’s life was taken, where he drew his last breath, and where his wife promised to treat me kindly.

A poor deluded man, as I said.

No one was seeming to care for me as of present, my head still hurting from the bled wound. But now it was a dry and crisp trail leading from my head and down my neck. It was unjust, that such a boy as Joffrey Lannister, could walk through this house treating me as he pleased. The boy could beat me, and no one would so as lift a finger in my defence, his siblings to scared, and mother too proud.

I was like an unwanted book at Casterly House, you might glance my way, but not pick me to care for me, maybe a flick through my pages, but no real judgement made without reading a little longer. If the Lannisters did not love nor care for me, I can say I lay little positive regard for them in my own eyes. They did not stand to high in my personal rankings. But unfortunately I suppose they did not have to favor me, they had no reason to keep me, I just couldn’t understand the cruelty of their treatment. The Lannisters were not the slightest bit decent toward me, holding me with no pleasant thought. I couldn’t understand what I had done. What wrong had I committed?

There was a sudden and brisk knock at the door, before it was opened. The clock struck twelve and Daisy one of the servants walked in with a tray. I ran to her as she set it down on the bedside table. Also laying a book next to it. Clutching to her she laughed quietly,

“Thank you.” Said I.

“Now, miss Stark, you must not make to much noise, I will come back when the clock chimes one to retrieve the tray, so eat your share.” Daisy pulled me from her middle, keeping me at arms length and clutching my shoulders. “Do not fret, you shall be out of this room soon.” Then she left.

Locking the door in her retreat.

When the clock chimed one she did not return, at the second chime she was not here, nor at third, whence it had reached six o’clock, I feared she had been comprehended on her way to aid me. So I put the tray underneath the bed, pulling the rug over the side so it dangled to the floor. Sitting at the end of the bed I opened the book, it was a volume about birds.

Running my finger down the outlines of the creatures I wished I could fly away, far from these people, but I am only a porcelain bird, to delicate, young, and unprepared for the world at my feet. I knew nothing of men, lesser still of a city or behavior in decent company.

Behind any snarky comments I could make, there was a voice saying, please don’t hurt me, so I wouldn’t survive. I started to hum to myself a tune that I could not recall the words too, only the notes.

The next thing I remember, was a comforting arm around me, my feet off the floor, I felt like I was flying, stretching my fingers and arms out to imitate a bird, it felt like a pleasant dream. As I could not see anything.

Whence I woke, I was in the nursery, Daisy rose from the chair by the burnt embers, hurrying me to change. As I was decent, I was ushered into the drawing room, where Mrs. Lannister and a tall brooding man were sitting. The man smiled an empty greeting to me, and I stood in front of him.

“Do you know where the wicked go when they die Sansa?” He asked me.

“To hell sir" I nodded.

“And what is hell?”

“A fiery burning pit that swallows you up and feeds you too the devil. Where, when you die, if you have commited sins, you stay. ”

“Very, imaginative- You wouldn’t want to fall into that pit?” Shaking my head he added. “And how would you stop the fall into, the great pit?”

“I must look after myself, and not die.” Mrs Lannister and the man both sighed simultaneously, and Mrs Lannister looked like she might kill me.

“See Mr Trant, she is an uneducated insolent child, who will not even commit to death, she needs to be disciplined, as I have done all in my power, but the girl is still a liar and a thief.” Glaring at Mrs Lannister, Mr Trant grabbed my chin.

“How dare you glare at the woman that feeds you, and clothes you, if it were not for her, you would be dead with you parents. Apologize.” I made no such advancement. Mr Trant left the room muttering something about, the wretched child.

“Your going now Sansa, leaving us, isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yes, where too?”

“A school.” Tilting my head she carried on. “A place of education, you will receive a full one there, as good an education as any, with blackboards and chalk, and language and discipline, of habit and regulation. You will learn to behave.”

“I shall not, all I shall know is that you are a liar and a coward, letting your son bully me, and not taking any charge. Allowing your two youngest to be afraid of their brother, you are a coward, and you lie about me to all to hear and-"

“Get out.” Mrs. Lannister hissed clenching her fists.

It was from there that I was taken to Red Keep, a school for young ladies. It was a dark and desolate building, seeming to stretch high into the sky at night when I arrived. Finally I was out of the stretch from the Lannisters. Joffrey could not hurt me here.

Before I had left, I had told Mrs Lannister and her three children that,  
“My Mother and father, and your father Baratheon can see you, they know how you treat me, and they know how you are bad, bad people. That you shut me up all day, and do not care for my well being, I might as well starve to please you. If it were to be of entertainment to your young Joffrey. You know how you wish me dead, and also how they wish you dead instead of me, and they will judge you.” Mother Lannister had boxed both my ears for that and pushed me to the carriage. As I had looked back at them, she was clutching her three children close to her, before turning and walking up the steps.

Walking down the dark corridor of the Red Keep, a woman with a white bonnet, apron, and a black camisole and skirt. With circular spectacles on her nose, she had an annoyed look on her face and I disliked the way she pushed me throughout he passages. We finally got to the room she wanted to get to, thrusting me through the door. There were lots of beds in the room, where other girls were sitting. They looked like they had been scared half to death.

Faces blank and bored. Another woman stepped before me. She took my coat of my shoulders. Pulling the cloak from my neck, then my gloves, hat, and then she unlaced my dress at the back. All the time, myself was looking around the room. “Step out of you fine dress.” One of the women told me. I looked down and it had been pushed to my ankles. I stepped out of my dress, now only in my drawers and slip. “Wait here.” She told me.

They folded my clothes and took them away, I wrapped my fingers around the fabric of my slip, feeling anxious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will start off with the basis before Sansa grows older, which will be at chapter four or three. To start, she must meet Jeyne Poole, as Jane met Helen Burns.


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa will soon depart from Red Keep school,to travel to Clegane Keep.

Each morning was the same, you would wake at 9 a.m, then try to wash yourself, though now after two years I had become accustomed to the rare chance of having a real wash, as there were sometimes six girls assigned to one basin. After you washed, you would be yelled at for being to loud, a bell rang after twenty minuted, and we were rushed to the prayer hall. Where prayers were always read by Mrs Smith.

She was always my favoured at The Red Keep. Being a younger and kinder versions of the other teachers. Mr Trant was our head master, and cruel one at that.

Whence the prayers were finished. Mrs Tabbit would screech, “Form Classes!” After another bell. We lined up two in two, walking down corridors to our various classrooms, with Mrs Tabbit behind us shrieking that we should “Be quiet!” and “Hush your devilish mouths.” Me and Jeyne would always smile at each other. Clutching each other’s hands as we walked to our class.

Normally, you would join at nine or ten, and be in the fifth class, twelve to thirteen and be in the fourth class, fourteen to fifteen and be in the third class, sixteen to seventeen and be in the second class, then finish at eighteen to nineteen and be in first class. I joined at fourth class, and was not a quick learner at Red Keeps way of discipline. Continuing to answer back, and once she dropped her blackboard resulting in a humiliating experience.

With the pedestal of infamy.

When I had answered back to Mrs Tabbit, and Mr Trant had not felt, a mortification of one’s flesh, (as he called it) suitable. Our headmaster seemed to enjoy the sight of pain, I saw it in his eyes, the joy of a cane hitting a young girl seemed to electrify and excite him to the point of madness.

In our form classes, we would read from the bible for an hour, after another bell we gladly invited the idea of breakfast! All of us half starved, even if it was only burnt porridge. At a fourth bell, we were ushered back to our classes, for three hours of continuous, reading, writing and arithmetic. The three R's were aparent in every school, as we were told. When I entered the third class as I am in now, we began to learn needlework, and art. I detested needlework, but knew it would be helpful to know how to mend clothes. But art was a simple pleasure I wished to exert. I had the pleasure of it in my life.

We would then endure an hour lesson on speaking, in the hall. In which, me and Jeyne had been beaten multiple times, for turning around to find each other and smile or laugh at something said. I can say that we never learnt and it was never something we thought about stopping.

Now it was 3 o’clock, and we would have our break for an hour. Me and Jeyne had found a quiet space of rocks and flowers near the back end of the school, when we first met. Deciding to adopt the place for ourselves and spend all breaks there.

“Why do you allow her to hit you by disobeying?” I asked, myself talking about Mrs Tabbit.

“She does not ever tell me to not do it. Mrs Tabbit tells me that I have sinned, that I have done wrong, that I should be beaten, but she has never, ever, told me I shouldn’t do certain things, so I can get a small amount of humour and amusement from her hitting me. As it is with false pretensions she claims my sin, for how would I get to the gates of heaven with no knowledge of how to repair my wrongs?” Nodding I lay back on the rock, looking up to the sky. Jeyne followed my lead and lay next to me.

We began to trace lines in the sky, finding shapes and shifters everywhere. “We will be there someday, at God’s feet.” Jeyne gestured to the sky above,  
“Or, maybe it is below.” I gasped.

“But that is hell is it not? How could God be below?”

“For we do not yet know our future, nor who awaits us or where. How do we not know that there is a heaven or hell. I hope that I am wrong, but they are speculation only the dead could revive us with. But for both our sakes I hope he is above.” We gripped each other’s hands.

Throughout that day, Jeyne began to cough, quite violently, then her brow began to sweat, and she felt very hot. The teachers took her to her bed with no supper, but she only worsened.

One night I padded along the stone floor to her bed. Sitting by her bedside she smiled weakly up at me. Looking as pale as the sky, and cold as the sea.  
“Kiss me with fire Sansa.” Leaning down I lay a kiss on her hot brow, she sniffed and stared at me, shuffling across her bed to make space for me.  
“We'll both die if you catch your death of cold.” Quickly I obliged, laying my head on the pillow next to her and pulling the covers up to our shoulders. She gripped my hand.

“Are you not scared?” My voice wavered and I started to sniff now too.

“No, not for death, I will be with your Mother and Father, and you in a long time. I can look over you, my darling Sansa, I can be your guardian angel they talk about in the stories, ill watch over you and your mistakes. I will always be with you.” Jeyne whispered the last part.

“Oh Jeyne, you can’t die, you can’t.” I began to cry.

“I will never truly die, for my spirit will live on as will yours, forever intertwined in friendship.” We clutched to each other. Two little girls really, even at fourteen.

Whence I woke, I wasn’t next to Jeyne, and I didn’t have a great friend anymore.

The winter was not kind that year, freezing in our pinafore's to the breaking point. My feet felt like ice had just made a nice home in my plimpsoles and that they would not leave till there was a fire in the harth. The walls had a hard coating of frost that could be scratched away, and the spaces near the doors, covered with snow from boots and drafts. Now out plimpsoles just got soaked through, such a useless shoe had not been created if it were not for bare feet.

But, now it is seven years from whence I was twelve, I am nineteen at my peak. I have learnt my fair share and I shall soon fly from the clutches of Mr Trant and Mrs Tabbit. Like the bird I wished to be so many years ago. I stayed at The Red Keep until my advertisement got recognized, by a Mrs Mordane of Clegane Keep. She had written to me saying it was an old name, but it was essentially a grand old house, and that my employer may not always be home, a Mister. S Clegane. That I would be governess to his foster daughter, miss Shireen Florent.

Just before I had left the school, I had received a letter from an otherwise silent Mrs. Lannister, saying that her, dear, Joffrey had killed himself, from gambling and drinking, and that she asked for my help at the house. I paid no attention to a reply, for I made no attempts to write one. Tommen would get the manor now, and I would prefer him to Joffrey.

As I stepped out into the crisp morning air, the cold hit my skin and I looked upwards, praying for my mother and farther and for my guardian angel, as I had every night since she died. Many of the younger girls who were now inferior to me waved and smiled a sad goodbye. I smiled to, they were at no fault and were actually, quite sweet.

I regarded Mr Trant and Mrs Tabbit with a stony glare as I left in the carriage. They made no movement, other than to usher the other girls back into the grounds as they waved me off. I was set for a bar before I got to Clegane Keep, a good thirty miles from The Red Keep. So that one of their drivers could two me there.

The lull of the couch set me to rest, and I lay my head onto the window as I fell into a light slumber, waking when the motion stopped. The door was opened to me, and I walked to a waiter asking if anyone had inquiries for a Stark. The answer was of the negative fashion and I was henceforth waiting in a private room.

A feeling of terror wafted over me, myself being a youth, that was almost in the unknown, I had no knowledge. My thoughts from my prior ages of being a bird came to me now. I was still porcelain now, with no experience under my belt, nor any friends to help me. Truly alone in the world I waited for hope to convey itself.

After a time, another waiter came for me, telling that a driver was here for a woman by the name of Stark. I nodded and was brought to a dingy street, clutching my muff in one hand I carried my trunk in the other. I couldn’t see the man too well, but I guessed I would have to trust him all the same.

He took the luggage from my hand.

“How long, if I may ask?”

“You may, I’d say bout, ten miles. Maybe, two hours.” Satisfied I nodded and got into the carriage. The journey was pleasant and steady, so I leant back into the seat. Taking in the modern but inelegant carriage before me, although I had next to none, on experience with carriages. Leaning my head on the window once again I fell into a swift slumber.

In it, I was asking myself questions in my mind.

“Who ‘s miss Shireen?”

“Why has she been fostered?”

“Who is Mr Clegane?”

“Maybe Shireen is actually his daughter, he just wants to cover it up.”

“That would make life more interesting.”

“Maybe she’s an heiress or a young brat, beautiful or ugly, it’s her character I care for.” Then I was woken but the door opening. Fluttering my eyes little to adjust to the lamp light, I snatched my muff and climbed out of the carriage. The coachman took me to a great wooden door, opening it there was a small old woman awaiting me. Mrs Mordane I predicted and was proved right after her introduction.

I looked around the room I was in, that just looked like an entrance hall. But the walls were much taller than any at The Red Keep, and much nicer too. Warmer with only a few fires lit. “come now Sansa, you must accompany me to the fire.” We walked to a room connecting to the kitchen, and sat on two chairs before a flame, with cups of tea.

“What brought you to being a governess?” She asked.

“I enjoyed teaching the younger at my school so I thought it would be a right and respected form of education for others.”

“How was your, school that you came from. Strict, with a thorough education?” I nodded looking into the flames.

“Yes, thorough.”

The next morning I awoke and once I was washed and dressed I walked to the drawing room where Mrs Mordane sat with a young girl.

“This is Shireen. She’s French.” Miss Mordane almost complained.

The young girl was small with bouncy golden curls and a pretty face. Walking to me, she curtseyed before me and I bowed my head. There was another older girl sitting in the corner. When I looked her way Miss Mordane provided information.

“That is, Eda, she came from France as Shireen’s escort and the little lady didn’t want to part from her.” I nodded.

“Puis-je, chanter pour vous?” Can I sing for you?

“What is she saying?” Mrs Mordane asked.

“She wants to sing to us.” I walked to the window seat with Mrs Mordane and Eda, we sat down and I looked at Shireen.

“ Oui, nous serions ravis de vous entendre.” Yes, we would love to hear you. With that, Shireen turned and looked shyly at us before she began to sing. A beautiful melody fell from her lips as she began to sing about a deer in a forest. Such a pleasant sound I figured had not yet been heard in this house. With it being so bleak.

Throughout the week, I taught Shireen in different ways. But today, I told her of stories and artwork.

By the end of two weeks, she had improved greatly, and I still had not met my mysterious employer. “Sansa.” I heard a voice behind me say as I looked out of the window in the evening. “I wonder whether you would post these letters for me?” It was Mrs Mordane, holding out a few envelopes.

“Of course I will.”

“Aw, thank you dear.” And with that I retrieved my dark grey cloak and set off into the forest which I had to go through to get to the village. There was a settled fog in the lower grounds of the trees, then a few sounds of twigs and sticks falling, all in all it felt utterly eerie. I started to lean against tress and wait a few moments before carrying on, then I heard a sudden noise of a horse then suddenly it was reading up in front of me.

I screamed and fell to the floor, the horse fell over onto its rider. “Seven buggering hells.” He shouted. I gingerly got up and walked over to the over turned horse, who quickly got of its rider pulling him with it. The horse walked off a few places while the stranger sat on the leaves.

“Are you hurt sir. Can I get some help, I can go into the village and-“

“No! Just get my bloody horse!” The uttering of such words had never hit Sansa’s ears but she didn’t think they were good. Walked timidly to the horse she reached for his bridle but he snapped at her hand and made a loud noise. Stepping back she looked at the stranger, the tall dark stranger. He had what you could call a bad and good side to his face, one behind a scared burned mess with hair missed and nose broken, the other half, with scars as well. But not as bad.

“Who are you?”

“The governess at Clegane Keep, for two weeks now.”

“Well, young governess, come here and help me to my horse.” I stood deadly still, to scared to move. “God’s you look petrified. I won’t hurt you.”  
“How can I be sure?”

“I’m injured, I can’t run after a young girl with an injured-“

“I’m no girl!” Then covering my mouth for realising I had been quite rude.

“Well, governess, you please, I beg of you. Help me to my horse?” Walking to the stranger input my hand out and he took it, nearly pulling it to the ground as he leant on my shoulder. It took almost all little amount of effort to get him to the horse. I keeled over after he was mounted, breathing fast.

“Miss governess is not accustomed to labour.” I shook my head “Well hurry home after you have done your biding miss governess, it gets dark quite quick in these woods. Or shall I take you to your destination.”

“If you would be so kind.” My hands were trembling, for I didn’t know why I had asked the stranger for help.

“Well then, come up in front of me.” The saddle was large on the great horse, and the stranger had moved back to make room for me, walking toward the dark shape. I put one foot in the stirrups and he pulled me up from under my arms. As soon as I was up he lay one hand around me, and the other on the rein.

It took almost all my effort to not slouch back into him as we rode into the village. This tall dark stranger taking me to the post office, where I might post the letters, before returning to ride back to Clegane Keep. But what startled me is that he did not stop at the gates, he carried on to the stables. Helping me off before him jumped of on one foot.

“Excuse me sir, but are you working at this establishment or do you play to stay as I’m sure my housekeeper would want to-“

“I’m Mr Clegane, my dear governess, and Bugger that, no, get me a coachman and run along now girl.”  
Even with the annoyance of being labeled girl, I went to a coachman telling his his master was injured in the stables, he walked to him and I ran inside. Putting my hand over my stomach where he had lay his hand.  
This is peculiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now interactions start, I want you now this will be very long when I finish it, and it will take a fair amount of time to establish the grounds of the relationship, I am also doing lots of research and planning so I apologize if it takes a long time.


	3. chapter III

Now at the back door of the keep, I pushed open the door and pulled my coat close my my chest. Turning I closed the door behind me with two hands, leaning against the wood I sighed, so this was my employer. The man seemed a moody comparison to what I had thought be could be, he cursed and did not seem to humerus, how a bouncy girl such as Shireen could have possible been sprouted from him and another I do not know.

Which firmed my conclusion that she really was his foster child,she cannot be his, for he had a hard heart it seemed, not such as the little girl I taught. Walking to the kitchen and to the scullery. Sitting down before the fire I looked into the Orange ribbons that licked at the wood. Teasing the skin of its spine, and breaking it after all the skin was gone. How something so thin, so delicate could produce such a destruction I’ll never know.

I could understand that my employer had seen the face of fire, in all its unwelcome beauty. If it had not been fire that had inflicted such marks, I did not know what it could be, part from a natural born mutation. My face started to warm up, and my feet were not so frozen.

  
Standing up I walked to the kitchen window, it being a vacant space as of present. Looking to the forest the mist was still settling between the trees, and clouds grey up above, there would be a storm tonight, I knew it. Bringing my hand to my hair, my bun was out of place, and I found my silver bird pin, holding back my hair and securing it at the back.

“Miss Stark.” I heard a voice behind me. It was Ella, one of the servants here at the keep. I nodded. “Mr Clegane has asked you join him, alone in the library, he’s not in a fine state madam, he’s cursing and I warn you miss.” Raising my eyebrows I clasped my hands and followed the maid to the library.

  
As the door opened, I saw a fire but he was not sitting next to it. He was on one of the couches one leg perched on top of a foot stool infront of him. I walked in front if he fire to stand before him.

“You wanted to see me sir ?” His hand gestured to the space on the couch next to him. Seating myself at a far distance from him, he didn’t look at the flames as I did. But at me, scowling.

“Mrs Mordane, tells me, that Shireen is improving in all. That you seem to be good news for the stupid girl.” That’s concludes my suspicion, but I must know.

“Am I right, sir? In believing she is not yours?” My employer laughed at that. A low gruff chuckle that send my hairs on end.

“You are Miss governess, I was in relations with her mother, Selyse her name was, she was a French dancer, and used her attraction to wind her way to my English money, right from my English pocket before running off and leaving her child. I thought it only decent to take her in, even if I detest children.”

“Do you sir?”

“Yes, so she repeated everything she is told. Yes, I do hate children,they are not good company nor interesting. I suppose you were a, polite quiet child Miss Stark?” At that point I would have laughed if it were not for his eyes fixed on me. Running down my seated figure.

“You are quite wrong, I was a loud, insolent, hard hearted fool, who didn’t understand discipline. That’s what Mrs Lannister always said to me.” He nodded.

“And who is this, Mrs Lannister.” He glared at me.

“The woman who brought me up, my mother, father and elder brother, are dead, and on his deathbed my father asked his friend to take me in, he died shortly after my father and I was left to the widowed Mrs Baratheon. Who took back her maiden name for her and her children.”

“No tale for you, only a bringing up and a school?” I nodded. “No siblings or relatives.”

“I was told that I have three unknown siblings and a cousin that ran away, but no, not that I know of.”

“Would you not try to sought out these relatives?” My gaze flicked from his grey eyes to the scarred side of his face.

“My knowledge does not stretch so far, as to know where to look. I’m not even sure where I lived before I went to the Lannisters.” There was a silence, till he beckoned for me to come closer to him. I obeyed. Slowly edging closer till he see me satisfied.

“You seemed intrigued by my mutilation Miss Stark?” Looking down I fumbled with my hands.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to seem rude or-“

“No, meerly curious, not rude, and don’t say sorry.” Bringing my head back up to his gaze be was still scowling, it made me nervous. “But, that is a tale of woe, for another time. I wish for you to always meet me here every night, I believe I can stand your company, while everyone else’s is debatable.” That rose a scowl from me. With such rudeness. “The little lady like birds I see.” He nodded to the pin.

“When I was younger, constantly I would read and draw them. I wished I was a Bird. So I could fly away from my life, over the hills to a far away land. That I wanted to break from my gold cage and be free, I thought I had done so when I left the home I grew in, but it was only to be taken to a smaller, less grand steel cage. But even now, I’m still in a cage as a porcelain bird, not yet ready for the world and trapped a woman.” When I had finished he nodded, sighing and wincing as he shifted his foot.

“What an imagination Miss Stark. What would you have me call you?” Sitting up a tiny bit he looked me over again.

“I think, Little Bird, if your so intent on breaking from your cage, I will give you a name sake.” I couldn’t tell with his scowl and gruff demeanor, if he was mocking me or not. So I just nodded.

“You best be going Little Bird.” But I didn’t shift.

“Then, what should I call you?” He leaned back into the sofa, and I could inspect his features.

Sharp cheek bones leading to thin lips and a hooked nose, his hair was black and thin too. Brushed to the left side of his face to cover the lack of hair on that side, his flesh was twisted on the higher half of the left side, I was surprised he still had the eye there. The skin above his eye, seemed to droop, with deep indents and lines. Red and black colour the craters of flesh, that stand out as well as go in, seeming almost into his flesh and the skull. His jawline was strong even on the twisted side, you could see a little of bone through the skin, as his face was gaunt, and I could see three black dogs embroidered onto the collar of his shirt.

“Well, many have labeled me Hound, and Dog, but you may call me what wish.”

“I wish to call you neither, as they seem offensive, and I do not wish to seem so. I shall call you Mr Clegane, nothing less.” Mr Clegane nodded, and smiled a little making the craters pinch backwards, it looked painful I suspected differently.

“Would you stay a moment longer Little Bird, or escape from the dogs clutches?” Licking my lips I lay my hands on the sofa. Our legs now only a few centimeters away.

“I would do what my employer wishes, unless it were to my displeasure. As it is you I have to impress for a salary.” That made him laugh, and it made me smile too. It seemed to please me that I had made that scowl disappear. He paused.

“My wish is for you to stay.” Nodding my head he put his hand onto mine. Picking up my cold hand with his warm one and turning it over so my palm was facing upward. I knew this probably wasn’t the usual but I stayed silent all the same. Running his finger along the lines of my palm from my finger tips to the sleeve of my dress. My breath was quiet and I bit my lip.

Now I was noticing things about him, about how he was regarding me now, how, really, he was not too, unpleasant to look at, only a mean and harsh attitude that I believed a woman could probably break. Not myself you must understand, I would have no idea where to even start.

Mr Clegane was now, bringing my hand to his face, he was intending to kiss it, I was sure, and I pulled my hand back. Just as it was nearing his cruel lips. Holding my hand to my breast and moving back to the other end of the sofa he sighed. “Your scared.” He did not ask only state.

“Not scared sir, I do not know, what, you are, trying to accomplish, now. I must bid thee goodnight.” With that I ran to the door and didn’t look back, shutting the door behind me and leaning against the stone wall next to it. Breathing fast, I calmed myself and returned to my solar.

The next morning, I ate with Shireen and Eda, all the time, trying to get her to speak more in English. I knew a good English, education would be good for her, but I had no intention to use The Red Keep school’s way of discipline. No child should have to endure, and I had made a promise after Jeyne died. That if I ever was a teacher or governess, that I would ways tell the student they were doing wrong, to avoid any cases such as Jeyne. Who refused to not do something she hadn’t been told she couldn’t.

Today until chose to revive her of constant sums and decided to show her different parts of the world. With different maps and the globe. I also intended to get Shireen to know the world, to somehow educate her for a want to travel. She had the money to do as she pleased, so I encouraged her to not marry as quickly as she might.

Me and Shireen had retired to the garden, she and I sat on a wicker chair on the lawn reading. Shireen was running and jumping around on the lawn infront of me. I saw Mr Clegane, seeming to be doing some digging for something. Then the men dispersed, and he came toward me. My heart was beating double time as his muscular figure walked to me.

He was sweating, I could see that, the perfect male persona, he wiped his hand on a handkerchief, that he stuffed into his pocket as he sat in the other white wicker chair next to me. Slouching back into the chair his chest rose and fell at a steady pace and he pushed hair out of the way of his face.

“How are you sir?” Now I was looking him up and down. Wanting to hit myself as I wished I could see what was under his shirt.

“I am no sir, girl.”

“Nor I a girl, I’m your Little Bird remember. We made that agreement.”

“My Little Bird?” It was only then I realised what I hands and I stuttered a worried reply.

“I’m sorry, Ser- Mr Clegane, I did not mean to say-"

“No need to apologize Little Bird. You are not mine, I know that for a fact. You wouldn’t waste a flap of your porcelain wings for an old dog.”

“How do you know?”

“You would never give me your song, therefore I am right.” My song? Does he want me to sing for him? He must have seen my questioning look because he laughed.

“Don’t trouble your pretty little mind over it Little Bird. But if you knew, you’d agree with me. How has Shireen been?”

“Not a trouble if that’s what your asking. She just, asks a lot of questions and gets distracted, nothing I can’t handle though. You said you’d tell me your, tale of woe, about your,scars. When shall another time,be?” He sat up in he chair and looked out to the lawn where Shireen was still prancing around.

“Not yet, I want you to make a judgement of me, without knowing my past just yet. So, what is your judgement of my character Miss Stark?”

“That, courtesy and dignitaries would not away you, and you do not, wish to ever serve.” He nodded and I bit the inside of my cheek, worried about what he would reply.

“Your judgement is singular to many, you did not even mention my face.”  
“I’m sorry sir, you told me to judge your character not your appearance, that is a different matter.”

“As you say, you have caught me out.” Now I could smell his musty sent, wood and earth and salt and beer and wine. Now those things meant more to me than ever before. I was wandering my eyes intently down his body, his face and neck, his broad shoulders and calloused hands, his chest that ebbed and flowed while he breathed, how the sweat meant I could faintly see the outlines of the muscles on his chest, down his sculpted legs and large boots.  
“You seem to be examining me Miss Stark. See something you like.” My eyes shot to his face and as his eyebrows raised, I blushed furiously.

“Now you’re the colour of your hair, calm yourself Little Bird. I am only teasing you.”


	4. Chapter IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sansa feels an attraction.

For the next few days, I saw little of Mr Clegane, and our meeting in the evening stopped a few days in as he gone away. I started to realise that, I missed him, I was distracted while teaching Shireen and she didn’t seem to mind, as it meant less work for her.

“Where is Mr Clegane?” I asked Mrs Mordane one morning, after he has been away for nearly month.

“At Highgarden miss, he usually stays there for weeks. Then comes back with a story about Miss Tyrell.” When I asked about Miss Tyrell. Mrs Mordane proceeded to tell me of the noble born Tyrells, Olenna Redwyne and her husband Lothor, then their three children. After she focussed on Mace, Olenna and Lothor's first born, and his children Margaery, Loras, Willas and Garlan, and Miss Margaery being Mr Clegane's main focus. She told me of how she had sang for him the last time she was here, and how he always seemed charmed. She had expected a marriage last year, but none had come. “Maybe this year.” she told me.

I thought Mr Clegane would not succumb to such flattery as to make a proposal, maybe I was wrong about his character? Now all I truly desired, was to be in his company once more, still not understanding why, I walked to my solar in the evening. Sitting on the window seat, I pulled out a book from under the cushion, The journal of Lewis and Clark. Hah, I would say to Joffrey’s grave if I ever saw it.

It was the first thing I had bought with my first salary, savoring the blissful feel of revenge. I now started from the page I had remembered ever since I was twelve. Pg 120, oh what a long journey it has been, but now I shall finish you. The clock strung twelve a.m and I had been reading since ten. Putting the book down on the cushions, I drew the curtains and took the candle with me.

Apon waking I heard horses outside and ran to the window. Pulling back the curtain I peeked outside to see, it was Mr Clegane with another rider, who had hair of silver. But he was not old. I dressers quickly, as the hour was eight already, walking to the lower breakfast room after fetching Shireen.

“Miss Stark.” I heard as I passed through the hall in the evening, not having seen Mr Clegane the whole of the day, he was know in front of me.

“Yes. Sir?” He stared angrily at me. “Yes, Mr Clegane.”

“Is it not good manners to greet someone after a long while apart?” He asked.

“If I am not wanted, then no.” There was a silence in which he was stepping closer to me, and with instinct I started to step backward away from him.

“You are afraid of me still?”

“I do not know if afraid is the right word. There is apprehension, in all that I do in the company of men. For they are unknown creatures and I have no knowledge of them. I hear, I hear, you went to Highgarden?” I swear I saw him sigh.

“Yes.” Mr Clegane answered.

“To court the Miss Tyrell?” I asked.

“You know of her?” He replied.

“I have been told, yes.” He stepped toward me now, and I did not move. We were quite alone, in the light of a few candles and no fire. He lay his hand on my neck, the back of his hand trailed around my neck, and I swallowed. His mouth was slightly open and the hair around his mouth and jaw moved. Looking up into his eyes, he edged closer again. Mr Clegane's hand now resting above my breast. Our heads got closer and my breathing increased as he and I turned our heads and I could feel his hand resting apon my breast now.

It send a fire through my veins, something I had never felt, the touch of another that was not harsh. I wanted it, needed it, maybe. But I was scared. Stopping before our heads touched I whispered. “Goodnight Mr Clegane.” Before running back and up the stairs.

When I was in my bed, I touched the places he had touched.

Around my neck.

Over my chest.

Down my shoulders.

On my waist.

Up and down every finger, every line on my hand.

Which made me hate myself as I remembered how I had stopped him kissing my skin, the sudden feeling inside of me at the mention of kiss. Made me feel, different, I guessed this is the attraction Jeyne had talked about, which could be completely harmless or completely deadly. Getting you into all sorts of messes, which was all I saw if it proceeded with my employer. But how could something that seemed so, natural, comfortable, be so terrible? I did not know.

It made me think of marriage, and consummation of that marriage, that as a first year girl we had learned. Of course how, consummation worked, which wasn’t to hard to understand, but how it should be done. That you should be married and with a stable home before thinking about children, and that a man could do as he pleased. But a wife must always remain in full satisfaction with her husband, never dishonor her maidenhead, and finally, that she had no control over her husband. That once you were bound, you were his to keep.

That bit always confused me. When a man could control any woman, but no woman could control any man. We as females are so confined to a space, that we do not choose. If it is to be married for power, riches, alliance, we have no say, if it is even for love. That does not mean we have any more freedom than one that is not for love. Being constricted never suited me, and made a silent promise to myself to never marry to a man that would not let me be free, have a say, tell him things, show my opinion, and not to be afraid of whoever my husband may be.

But Mr Clegane couldn’t have wanted to lure me in, could he? He seemed so, proud, of himself, and to gloomy for romanticism. Maybe I am wrong, mayhaps he is just lonely, wanting company, but I refuse to believe it is me he wants. That I know at least.

The next afternoon, whence it was Shireen’s break, she had gone outside to play badminton with Eda. I walked through the hall to the library, in which I was greeted by a group of four small dogs, that looked like pups. Squatting down a little I stroked the dogs and smiled at them, animals always seemed to appeal to me, Mr Baratheon, before he had died, had told me that my father and mother used to own 6 great dogs, but only 3 remain with my so called lost siblings and cousin.

It was all getting a little tiring, I just couldn’t believe anymore, I couldn’t believe that they were real, and if they were that they wouldn’t have come to mother and fathers funeral. For there was no one there who I did not know the name of, so they could not have been.

“You like them?” I jumped up, startled. It was Mr Clegane, who had just revealed himself from the corner at the other end of the room.

“Yes Mr Clegane, I apologize, you startled me. They are quite, loving it seems, and excitable.” He nodded.

“I wonder, would my assumption be right, in me thinking that you have no animal for yourself?” Seating himself in an armchair, my employer once again, was looking me up and down, at my every movement or speech.

“You would be.”

“And would I be right in thinking you would like one for yourself?” I furrowed my brow and looked at the dogs at my feet, who on seeing that Mr Clegane had sat down, ran to their master and started to climb up the chair. Smiling at the scene of a smiling, gloomy man, surrounded by bundles of happiness. I walked to stand more in front of Mr Clegane.

“I suppose so.”

“Then I shall give you one. I shall still feed and walk him or her, but him or her will be yours.” I opened my mouth to protest but he stopped me.

“And I will not have any, apologies for anything, or any protest to my proposition.”

“Then, I may only thank you in the up most sir, thank you, so much. But, I can, will, walk him or her.” He nodded and looked down at the dogs on his lap.

“Your choice.” Displayed before me where too many examples of joy and excitement. I could not choose one, but I knew I had too. But, there was an odd. In the sea of dark black and brown there was a pure white. I felt I needed to choose the odd one in dedication for myself. I was always singled out, for various idiotic reasons. How that could be represented in a dog I did not know. But I knew how it was to be, different.

So I picked up the white dog and lay her in my arms. Quite a heavy one.

“What is she?” I asked.

“She’s what they call a wolf hound. This one is an albino with blue eyes. She'll be a handful, I can tell you that. A fast, seeing thing, is a wolf hound. A rarity too. Your lucky you chose her, a more beautiful dog I never saw.”

“I have.” I suddenly blurted out. My cheeks immediately turning red as I realised what up had said.

“You’ve seen a more beautiful hound than she?” Nodding slowly, I buried my head in the dogs fur, as I nuzzled at my neck and yapped. Trying to hide some of my face, I was sure I saw him smile.

“I do not think, beautiful would be the right way to describe this Hound. To scared and burnt to be beautiful.”

“I never said-" I started saying, but I stopped and put down the dog. His eyes said carry on. So I complied. “I never said, that I thought, this Hound was physically beautiful. Even if that is, what I mean. It’s stupid, I’m boring you.” Looking down I sighed and turned for the door.

“This Hound, thinks that birds deserve the beauty,and they have it.”

“Birds do not believe Hounds.” Then I closed the door and walked out to Shireen.

Over the course of nights. There was no commotion or noise from the dogs. But one night, I heard a yapping and barking from the downstairs library. Sitting up I waited a few seconds, before getting out of bed, in only my slip and reaching for my robe,I wrapped the scarlet material around me. Stepping into my slippers I held out a candle.

Walking down the corridor, I suddenly heard a laugh from downstairs. A small distant laugh that made me stop in my tracks. I wanted to run, but I knew I was only being delusional. Who would be up laughing at this time? I was at the top of the set of stairs and it was so dark I could hardly see the steps I was walking down. If I had no candle it would be pitch black. Then all of a sudden, I swore I felt someone brush past me, their arm on mine. Scared again, I hurried down the stairs, to afraid to go back up again.

Now my heart was fast, there were more laughs now. Closer, and closer they got. I was afraid that I was walking right into a dragons lair. Like the myths in my stories as a child. Holding the candle in front of me it cast a light onto the wall. In which there was suddenly a shadow behind me, turning now almost screamed.

Her hair was white, tangled and pulled behind her head. She had sunken eyes and dark lips. Covered in only a nightmares, she had talons for fingers. Long nails to scratch with, her violet eyes spoke rage and anger. Now I did not care. I simply ran for my life to the library.

She had stayed where she was on the stairs, tilting her head and laughing a throaty laugh at me.

When I was in the library, I leant against the closed door inside the room. Turning around and locking it with fumbling fingers. Walking towards the fire I breathed out in raspy breaths, to scared for words. The pups came and ran at me. They were whimpering too and I gathered the four up in my arms and hugged them.

The dog I had named Lady, climbing up my back. Then I heard a groan from the corner.

“Who’s, who’s there?” I asked after a couple of minutes.

“Call for Clegane.” His almost silent voice told me. I looked upward at the bell pull for the masters room. Standing up I pulled it about ten times, then walked over to the corner.

“Who, who are, you?” I asked.

“Viserys Targaryen.” I did not know the name, but I leant down to the figure. Then gasped at the blood, his neck was scratched into a mess. His shoulder and back see me bitten or cut from the blood that was spilling.

“I’ve, called for help. I’m not going out there, in sorry.” He seemed to shake his head,and I noticed the silvery grey hair of the man I had seen a few mornings ago.

There was a jangle of keys, and I blew out the candle in fear of her seeing me. The door opened and the dogs ran to the figure. He carried a candle and as I saw the hulking figure, I knew it was Mr Clegane. Standing up I ran to him, clutching his middle I began to cry silently. After realising what I was doing I stepped back and pointed to the corner.

“Theres a man, Viserys? He’s been hurt. And there was a woman, she looked at me with white hair and violet eyes. She chased me and tried to hurt me and I ran and I came in here and I called you and-" Mr Clegane shsh'd me and closed the door behind him. Walking around the room he lit up all the candles he could find and then asked me to light the fire.

I bent down and the embers started to burn. Leaning down to his friend, Mr Clegane started to look him over. “Little Bird. You must stay here, you have too, do not talk to him. Only give him attention if he needs it. I have to go get the doctor.” Standing up he went to the door.

“No. Don’t leave me here with her out there. Please, she’ll hurt me and him.”

“You will be well Little Bird. No harm will come to you, I promise. Do not fret.” Walking toward me, he placed a kiss on my forehead. Before walking quickly out of the room and locking the door.

Looking over toward the man who was groaning with pain, I slowly edged toward him. Kneeling at his side he looked into the fire.

“What do you see? In those flames.” He suddenly asked me.

“I always imagined ribbons when I was younger. River dancers and such. But now, I see pain, and death, and glory, and there was another thought I had about it. That the log is the spine, and the bark the skin. The fire keeps on peeling back the skin till there is none left, and you must let the spine snap.” Looking into the flames I let the heat hit my face, and the orange and yellow fill my eyes.

“Just stupid imagination.” I whispered.

A definite three hour period passed, before Mr Clegane and an older man came through the door.

“Ludwin, you must hurry. We have to get him out of here. Dress his wounds and be done with it.” The old man, hobbled to Mr Targaryen's side, turned him into his good shoulder and ripped away the shirt. He pressed something into the wound and the patient groaned loudly.

“Quiet Viserys or we shall all be found out.” I saw my employer put his hand through his hair and sigh.  
“She bit me, I thought I could help her.”

“You thought! You thought you could do some good! What good could you trying to approach her, alone, do? We’re you trying to kill yourself? When I could have accompanied you on the morrow, but you refused to act with sense. You only acted with your apparent good will. You could not help her, no one can.”

“I am so-“ Viserys tried to say. 

“Do not apologize, you know how I hate them.” Mr Clegane clenched his fists while talking. 

“She’s had her teeth and nails on his neck too.” The surgeon concluded, eyeing the wound I closed my eyes. Not wanting a moment longer. Noticing my discomfort, Mr Clegane put his hand into mine. Warm on my cold one. He was always warm, always warmer than me.

“She said she’d suck my blood and drain my heart.” I gasped and covered my mouth, afraid of a regurgitation of my dinner.

“Look Viserys! Ludwin has mended you, somewhat. Now we must get you into a carriage.” Walking over to the Targaryen man. Clegane held his arm over his shoulder. And half dragged him out of the room. The old man looked at me and smiled.  
“What is your name child?”

“Sansa Stark.” I whispered.

“Ah, I knew your father and mother. I birthed you and your siblings.” My heart leaped.

“Do you have any way of contacting them?” I asked. 

“No my dear, I thought all the stark children and a cousin had much disappeared. Including you.” Then Mr Clegane walked back into the room as the light was streaming in. He glared at Ludwin and the old man hobbled out of the room. I was alone now, with Mr Clegane and I walked to the fire and sat on the floor. The pups joined me on the rug and soon enough Mr Clegane sat a few spaces behind me.

I shuffled backwards to sit next to him.

“Who is she?” But he didn’t answer.

“This whole. Business, wasn’t meant to happen. I apologize.”

“I thought you disliked apologies?”

“I do. But it is toward you, which I do not find to repulsive. Now fly along Little Bird. You need your sleep.” I stood up and looked at the white dog on the rug then back at my employer.

“Take her up to your bed. If you would like it.” I smiled at him broadly, before picking up the pup and fleeing upstairs.


	5. Chapter V

The day after the excitement last night, I had agreed with Mrs Mordane, that Shireen should have two days free of education. Those being her Saturday and Sunday, and after luncheon I retired to the library.

Tapping my fingers over the variety of covers and binding, running my hands over the leather and paper, admiring the great authors whose genius I could never replicate, and never being able to pick all of them. I took out a volume, that looked like it would have a fair amount of pictures in it, it was one on Bird watching, for I feared any other books with no pictures would bore me. I do not believe I shall ever grow out of that childish habit of needing pictures to stay interested and amused.

Sitting down on the couch, Lady jumped up onto my lap, and curled up on my legs. Smiling down at her I set the book on the arm and opened the pages. Many colours filled my gaze, which I believe kept me interested. There were explanations of their birthing place, how they came to be in England. That’s when it came to me, that birds will fly further in a few days than a woman shall do in a lifetime. My cage will never truly be broken as a porcelain bird. But the real birds can be free from their first breath.

“Now I can see you like birds?” I looked up and Mr Clegane was walking in. Closing the book I smiled a little and looked down at Lady sleeping.

“It is a hobby, Mr Clegane. Can I be of assistance?” Picking Lady I held her in one arm and put the book back with the other hand.

“I just, thought you might like to exercise, with your new found friend.” She was beginning to stir and I stroked her ears.

“Yes, thank you sir-Mr Clegane.”

“You’ll learn to not use your dignitaries.” He handed me a black collar and leash. Kneeling down I attached the buckle on the collar around Lady’s neck and tied the leash to the loop hole.

We walked up to the great hill behind the keep. I let Lady of her leash and she stayed at my side, already growing at a very fast pace. She was about two months from her birth, and alreadly to my knee. Mr Clegane put a hand on the top of my back and directed me toward a clearing behind some trees.  
As we came into the clearing, I looked up and around at the spectacle. A circle of heart trees surrounded me, sap leaking from their eyes, as if, they were crying, red tears. The bone white trunk and branches, stood out from the autumn leaves and red five pointed leaves that fell onto the ground, rustled in the wind and seemed to hum as they moved.

I inhaled, totally in awe with it, I had not seen a weirwood tree since my first home, and never in this quantity.

“How?” I finally asked.

“My family used to worship the old God’s, I do not believe in any God’s but, my father and mother did, and so did my sister. Unfortunately my brother, he, felt though he had to be dominant. That he would have to take charge of everything, and, things complicated between my brother and the rest of us. He started by cutting down the weirwood we had as he believed in the new God’s, and refused to have anything to do with the old in the keeps ground. But we still had some of the weirwood trees left over from the cutting.

My father and mother passed when I was young and my sister, well, I have no knowledge of what became of her. So then, my brother who is four years older than myself, he took himself from the keep and me, and the employees and everything he called, his home. Leaving and he has never comeback since. As we all thought him dead, I got the keep and all its responsibilities. I started by having someone tend to the weirwood.” After that proclamation I raised my eyebrows and Lady nuzzled her head to my leg.

Stepping toward my employer I rested my hand on his arm.

“I am sorry.” There was a moment of silence when a state of tranquility passed through he and I. There was no noise of the birds or beasts. I did not notice anything but it was broken.

He wrenched my arm toward him. Holding both of my wrists in his hands and not letting go, I tried to thrust my hands and arms from him,but he held me in a tight grip.

“I could have you, you know!” He half shouted half growled. “I could fuck you whenever I wanted to, I could do anything I wanted to do, to you. Take you as my own, every night, you seem to want that to happen! Why don’t I just take you now? Maybe it was why I brought you so far from the house. To take you behind the trees beyond yonder and fuck you bloody like I could.” I did not cry, I tried struggle and try to scream out, but his eyes were glares.

“No, Ser, please God’s no. And here of all places, in the weirwood. No Ser please!” But he ignored me.

“Why don’t I Miss Stark? You’ve never been fucked have you little bird? Never in your little life have you. Then, the fact of me being so much older would you disapprove? Or will you refuse the fact you kept looking at me intently, that you haven’t moved your gaze? Maybe I would fuck you bloody, if I was my brother. But I am not, and will not. Do not fear Little Bird, the dog won’t bite your wings, so you can fly away now. Which is what you always want to do, what everyone always wants to do.” It was then, I saw a flash of weakness in the beasts eyes.

“Your afraid.” I stood up straight, looking at him and not fidgeting.

“Won’t you try to fly Little Bird?” Shaking my head, his grip tightened.

“You don’t want me to show you the slightest of affection, because your afraid of what it might mean. You’ve never felt it have you? Like me. You never have.” He released my arms, running a hand through his hair. “I, am sorry. I didn’t think it would amount to this I-“

“Just stop it. Please, I cannot take, do not proceed to touch or look at me in the slightest inch of, affection, and I will do the same for you.” As he walked away, I wanted to shout to him that I didn’t want him to stop it.

“No!” My employer turned as he was heading for the other end of the trees.

“No?” He asked.

“I” I calmed myself. “I don’t want it to stop, I don’t want you, to stop looking at me, in such a way.” My voice grew quieter and slower nearer the end. I couldn’t express any way of knowing why I didn’t ent it to stop. I just didn’t want something good to end, just yet.

“Your getting too used to me being familiar girl, it’s dangerous, now run along.” I stomped my foot and picked up Lady.

“I’m not a girl!” Then I turned and fled down he hill.

That evening, I was in my bed, awake and staring at the drapes on the windows. I had forgotten to pull them and the moonlight shone through the glass in little beams. Suddenly there was a scratching at the door. A mere sound, that did more than set me one edge, it petrified me. I only told myself it was one of the dogs, but my waking and sleeping thought was that it was someone. I needed to know, I needed, to know.

Picking up a candle from my bed, I suddenly heard the laughter again. Clear as daylight, I knew it was the white haired woman that had bewitched me into following her sounds before, and savaged the Targaryen. Although, now I wasn’t afraid, as it twas the unknown I feared, that I did not know what was beyond these borders. Knowledge was so dear to me that I did not want to leave it behind where it was useless.

So, now, I needed my knowledge to give me courage.

Turning the handle, thoughts began to fade, and I stepped out onto the cold stone floor. Forgetting my slippers I walked barefoot toward the sounds. All the time, holding the candle out in front of me, in the darkness. Wary of my destination, as the sound got louder, I was edging towards a room.

I had not been this far into the house to know where this was, and I had no idea who it could be. Turning the handle, I could see an orange light from under the door. Maybe she is a demon of light, attracting hopeless wanderers to her brightness, maybe I am hopeless. For I am a wanderer.

As I pushed the door open, it was no demon. It was, fire. Licking at the wood of the four poster, as it seemed to bend it. The sheets were already burning at the ending and the rugs on the carpet were ablaze. Running over to the occupant of the bed, it was my employer.

“Wake up Ser! Wake up!” I shook him vigorously. Taking the curtains from the windows and trying to smother the blaze. As he woke I heard him yell out in fright, he froze on his bed, not moving, his eyes turning shades of orange and red. I pulled down another curtain running back over to the bed and smothering the flame.

I sat down on the floor, panting hard and putting a hand to my head. Eventually after a great many minutes he walked to my side, and seemed to collapse next to me.

“Fire.” He whispered

“Who could, would do such a thing?” I couldn’t think of anyone in the house who could possibly commit such a devil’s crime.

“You do not know them. I am indebted to you Little Bird.”

“There is no debt.” Mr Clegane rose up, putting out his hands. I took them and stood up. Standing close to him, he pulled my wrists close to his chest. My face was close to his now, and a felt his hand wandering over the top of my breast. We were, close, now. Our heads turning and all the time I looked into his grey eyes.

“Fire would be a terrible death Sansa, you saved me from it, at least at the second try it has had.”

“As you say Ser.” Pulling back I withdrew my wrists from his hands and rubbed them. “I must go.” Turning around he put his hand onto my hip nearly covering my stomach.

“You do not have to, you could stay here.” Drawing me back to him, he put a hand on my face. I just stared up into his face, totally in awe with him. Now I could smell some of the scents, wine and salt overpowering the others. Breathing almost silently my chest rose and fell fast. Taking his hand from my face, he pushed a lock of my auburn hair from my shoulders.

“Stay here, for a minute, I shall return.” Turning around he picked up a white bed robe and handed it to me. “Use this, or you shall freeze.” As I pulled the robe from his grasp I wrapped it around me. He walked out of the door, and shut it. Pulling the fabric close to my chest I fisted the ends wrapping them around my arms, I sat down on the sofa opposite the bed and brought up my legs.

It must have been, just after six a.m when my employer returned, a good half hour. Standing up I lay the robe on the sofa, and intended to leave, but he clutched my arm, stopping me. Taking my hands he pulled me toward him. Holding my two hands in his and stroking my fingers.

“I’ve had the pleasure of knowing you in my life, when I first beheld you, I knew you would do me good. I could see it in your eyes of innocence, a mere young one, who.” He stopped and my head started to waver closer to his.  
“Who?” I asked.

“Who, seems to have bewitched me. People talk of natural sympathy, is that what you have for me? An old scarred dog? Does a Little Bird believe she can sympathize with me?” I did not answer for some time, our hands intertwined and we we now almost chest to chest. The smell of wine was making me dizzy, even more so with the close proximity.

“Goodnight Ser.” I whispered, pulling my face back and looking down at the floor.

“You’ll leave me then?” I stepped back, but he kept an iron grip on my hands.  
“Is it safe?” He nodded. “Then yes, Ser, I will.” Wrenching my hands from his I walked to the door. The light was now coming through the curtains and it was shining onto the ruined half of his face. Which I now realised, I didn’t find hideous at all

“Would you have stayed? If I said I were not safe?” Laying a pale hand on the door I pulled it back and walked out, looking back in to see him.

“Yes Ser.” Then I shut the door and walked back to my room.


	6. Chapter VI

“There coming here! All of them, coming here!” I could hear Mrs Mordane yelling. My employer had apparently gone to Highgarden and invited some of the Tyrells and their party here. So, now I would meet the Miss Margaery. I wonder…

“I will help you.” I said, pushing the door that led to the kitchen and standing in the doorway. Mrs Mordane and one of the skullery maids smiled at me. Over the next four days, there was so much preparation. Curtains and drapes were pulled back letting light in, ten more people were recruited to help with the preparation, bedding was laid out, rooms cleaned, new recipes found, clothing ironed and pressed, and Shireen was so excited I thought she might burst. It was the fact of her wanting to meet proper ladies like in France.  
Whence the day of the arrival came, it late evening, me and Shireen were in the library reading. But as she heard the carriages and horses, my student ran out of the library and to the front door. I managed to get up in time to pull her too the side of the corridor as she smiled at every guest. As Miss Margaery walked in, she spared me not a glance. 

She was a great beauty, that was clear, with sloping shoulders, an olive complexion, small waist and hands, a long graceful neck and a head of fine chestnut curls. It was now clear why Mrs Mordane was puzzled about the delay in marriage. For she was a beauty but, I did not believe she was kind nor free of spite. 

Although, I almost wished a woman of such, position would approach me, of course there is a hint of jealously. But I wished more for friendship than comparisons. The late afternoon of the next day brought me and Shireen outside to the normal place. Me sitting on the white wicker chairs and Shireen playing badminton with Eda. Except, it wasn’t the same. As my employer was not in the seat next to me. 

He and Miss Tyrell had taken some air together in the lower gardens. Laughing and smiling she would touch his arm, often, wrapping her hand around his muscled bicep. Pulling close to his body and fluttering her eyelashes. It send a pain to my stomach and I had never felt it before. Well, once, when I was jealous of Myrcella because of her clothes but- wait, am I jealous of Miss Margaery? Is the image of her and my employer so painful that I do not want to see it? 

Then it hit me. I care for him…. It seems, that I want to have his company but, only me to have his company, and only me to smile at him. Now I think of it, Little Bird, probably doesn’t even mean to much, the fact that it was only made, because I told him I like birds. I almost created it, he’s probably given her a nickname, that he made up. Maybe, the summer rose or, great beauty. I am not one, and I could not compete with her on that front. 

My face is pale and my hair is the colour of the devil, I am neither more beautiful nor happy as she, I am shorter than her, my waist is larger, I have no fine clothes, to think, I have only interacted with one man, she probably had many suitors. Why was I ever jealous? There’s no point in feeling something if you have no intention or means to get what you are pining for.  
The two were walking up the steps to the stone balcony behind me. As they stopped I heard Miss Tyrell.

“You must agree that schooling is better than a governess?” He didn’t answer.  
“Well, mayhaps you are confused. I cannot think of a worse thing than a governess. They are never, high born, as you could say. With any real goals for life, they make children miserable with lessons at home. Whilst children should be at good English boarding schools. In my experience, they are dreadfully boring and annoying. I personally got rid of all of mine, in ways I should not tell. Maybe you might ask Loras, we were, quite, let’s just say very defiant in our hate of them.” Her laugher made me sag my shoulders and hang my head.

I stood up, and felt tears in my eyes. Wiping my face, I turned around and brushed past my employer back into the house. As I walked into the hall and down the main corridor I walked into the library. Sitting down I was once again greeted by the pups. Who didn’t really look like pups anymore. Lady jumped up onto my lap and licked my face where the tears were. Sniffing I stroked her head. 

Now she looked like more of a half grown Lady, as she was just under three months old now. Although her character had not faded. The door suddenly opened and my employer walked in. I stood up and Lady dropped to the ground yelping, clasping my hands together I kept my face mute.

“Yes Ser?”

“Why did you leave the gardens as I approached? You had not even greeted me since I arrived. I thought it was in your nature to be courteous?” My cheeks turned red with anger, but I calmed myself and as I clasped my fingers my knuckles went white from the pressure.

“I did not believe you were approaching me, so I didn’t think it would bother. I was getting tired of the sunlight, so I wanted to return inside I apologize for any-"

“Why we’re you crying.” He interrupted. Now, the tears were returning. All I could think was, he'll never care for you, he'll never ever, he has her, a wealthy, beautiful interesting heiress, who can humour him and make him happy. I can’t do any of those things. 

I only realised a moment later that I had sat down on the chair, and was silently letting tears stream down my cheeks. He closed the door and knelt before me, holding out a handkerchief and wiping my cheeks. The fabric felt a little course but it served its purpose and I looked at him. His face twisted a little as he weakly smiled at me. Standing and putting out his hand, I took it and Mr Clegane pulled me up, close to him again. 

“Ser?” My wrists were held, but I did not need to struggle to get free. I could pry free of his grasp whenever I wanted, but I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to, he didn’t seem to want to. Maybe just, oh God’s maybe he cares. Taking one of his hands from my wrist he lay it behind me on my back and pulled my closer to him, so that my chest was to his, and my head close to his. I knew it wasn’t right, and I looked away.

“Look at me.” He rasped, sounded defeated. Pulling my eyes very slowly up to his face, I studied his face now. It was angry, he seemed angry with me, looking into my eyes with a scowl and a letting face, I leant away from it. Now becoming scared, maybe I had misjudged him, and he really meant to hurt me?

He didn’t speak for a while, and only tightened his grip on my wrist. Slowly I took my hand from his grip, and he softened his hand on my back. I lay my hand on the scarred side of his face, gently caressing the indented skin, over his forehead, tapping down the other side of his face. My mouth was slightly open and I bit my lip, which made him pull me closer. 

Stop it, stop it, stop, stop stop stop! Was all I could think. I knew I couldn’t, I shouldn’t be this close, but I wanted it…

Suddenly I stepped back and clasped my hands in front of me. Then looking up at him he stepped backward. 

“I thought..” He started. “Never mind.” Licking my lips I moved to go and he held my arm. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“Which was Ser?”

“Why we’re you crying?” Then my lip was quivering, Margaery Summer Rose's words were coming back to me now, and my own judgement of myself. But I held myself with pride and did not cry.

“I was not Ser.”

“Then, why do you look depressed? If you had not been displeased by something.” Now I felt angry, to the fact that he would not release me. Tugging me arm he let it go, and I got to the door. 

“It was pre-judgement ser, that made me so.” Then I walked out and want on the wall outside. Before brushing myself down and wiping my face, I returned outside and ushered Shireen in for her dinner. I took mine in the skullery and sat in silence, and I prayed to the God’s for mercy apon my sins. Saying Grace for the longest length of time, longer thank ever had said it. 

The next morning I woke at an early dawn, at about 6 a.m and changed into a plain black dress over my slip. I wanted to make sure I would not run into the Tyrells so I rose early. Walking down to the library I clutched Lady’s leash and collar in my hand. Pulling open the door the four dogs ran at me. Lady, Felicia a female West Highland Terrier, Wolf a male border collie and Robin a male Fox hound. I secured Lady’s collar and leash before ushering the o their pups back in. 

I walked up to large hill I had walked with Mr Clegane and sat before a heart tree. Tears of sadness streamed my cheeks. “I pray to you, the seven. To forgive my sins and please not have me shamed or found out, I shall stop all such relations with my employer if you would gift me knowledge. I ask for nothing else. I am completely within your hands my lords. I pray for forgiveness. From the Father, the Mother, the Warrior, the Maiden, the Smith, the Crone and the Stranger, oh God’s I pray for thee. The Stranger, forgive me Stranger, do not send me into the unknown, please Crone give me knowledge and wisdom, do not let me fall folly to him. I beg of thee.” As I finished I opened my eyes, and the tree was still crying Red tears. 

Wiping my cheeks I looked up to he heavens and my lip quivered. Walking back out of the circle of weirwood trees I pulled Lady along. Back behind the trees and round, delving into the forest, I had no fear now. For I knew nothing could get me, all my troubles remained at my aparent humble abode. But, I had no desire to leave. Although all my instincts were telling me to leave. 

As I headed back to the keep, I actually came out behind it. Sitting on the hill above it I crossed my legs and Lady climbed into my lap. I could suddenly see, Miss Tyrell walking up the hill toward my place. I rose to stand but she waved it away.

“No, no I would not want to disturb the quiet governess.” She stood beside me I clenched my fist and pulled out some of the grass.

“How are you, Miss?” I asked

“Oh, she speaks. Quite well thank you.” I waited for a follow up question from her, but none came. I could not understand why such a solemn dark man, could find solace in the company of this… poser, a poser of an ideal English lady. Without being a lady, and one so rude and boring I grew tired of her within a few moments. 

“Is your stay pleasurable Miss?” 

“I believe so yes, but this time. I intend to get what I came for, at least this time. He will not leave our greeting as such. But anyway, I will continue with my waking, and thank you for your… humour.” Walking past me, I heard her giggle. Standing up I brushed myself down. Walking back to the keep.  
Shireen’s lessons, became increasingly less interesting by the day. I felt I was boring myself more than her, as I pondered with her over her favorite colour. Magenta or teal. My jealously now seemed to increase to, whenever I saw Mr Clegane’s arm, occupied with her hand. I could only remember the touches he had given me. 

I was going to meet with Mr Clegane every night again, but one night. It was about 8 p.m and I was still decent, when I came down. Opening the door to the Library, where we has met before and I could see the fire was lit. So I suspected the dogs were not in there. Lady was in my room, the others maybe in the skullery. He must have been sitting on the sofa he had been before and as I pushed the wood. I saw Miss Tyrell and Mr Clegane, talking in low tones she was sitting in the seat I had been sitting in. Next to him, my mouth opened to speak but I just slammed the door and stepped outside. Walking backward, I pushed a hair from my face, and began to cry. I got in time just fast enough so he couldn’t see my face. But it had all been to much and I couldn’t face him 

That was last Monday and I have stayed out of everywhere I thought he might be, staying inside mostly, and I only really came outside when the Tyrells finally left the following week. I could only have the smug feeling in my stomach with no wedding proposal, well, that just knew off. Mrs Mordane had told me, if Mr Clegane was going to do anything such as marriage it would not be public. 

The week in which the Tyrells had left, I usually stayed in places with lots of windows and doors, so as I could exit and enter with the knowledge of where he would be. So far my plan had succeeded until I received a visitor. One of the coachman, Phillip, had married the kind servant Daisy. Me and him talked in the gardens where I usually sat with my employer.

“How have you been?” He asked me.

“As well as I may be, how are you and Daisy?” Shifting in my seat I sat up straighter.

“We are, very well thank you. But, Sansa, the reason I’m here is- Mrs Lannister. My old employer, who heard I would be visiting, asked me to tell you she has taken to her bed. The news that Tommen did not want to take on the house, neither did Myrcella and doubled with the death of her Joffrey. Has resulted to her taking to her supposed death bed. The doctor has said it might not be long and she had been requesting for you to visit her.” I raised my eyebrows and licked my lips. 

“She wishes me to visit her?” He nodded. “As soon as is possible?” He nodded again. “I may be able to take leave. I am not sure when but I shall try today I suppose.” 

“I believe she wants it as soon as possible, so any time near this date would be good. Should you be in need of a carriage?” I nodded. “I can leave one of mine here.”

“If you would be so kind as too, just would be very much obliged to take it. Thank you.” He smiled and rose up, I followed his lead and shook his hand. “Thank you for visiting, and for the carriage.” 

As he left, I noticed my employer in the shadows. I smiled but he didn’t smile back. Later on that day I knocked on Mr Clegane’s study door. There was a muffled “Come in.” As I pushed the door open.

“Ah Little Bird, come to tell me about your visitor.” Stepping forward I closed the door. 

“Mrs Lannister wants me to go back to Casterly House.” There was a silence. “Say something?” 

“For how long?” His mouth twitched and he scratched his head.

“I don’t know.” 

“Then, how do I give you leave?” I shrugged.

“Two weeks maybe.” Nodding he opened a draw in the desk and pulled out some papers.

“How much do I owe you?” 

“Fifteen pounds Ser.” He looked through the papers and held out two.

“I can give you twenty.”

“But that’s to much.” I whined.

“Take it.” He sounded exasperated.

“I shall not.” I exclaimed.

“Then I can only give you ten.” Handing me the paper 

“While I am there, Ser. Shall I advertise?”

“What for?”

“For a new place at another house to be someone else’s governess? You won’t have need for me soon.”

“How do you know?” He asked

“Well, I know when you marry Miss Tyrell. She'll want Shireen to go to school, and I will be dispensable.” I sighed and looked down. But he strided forward and took my chin in his hands.

“You’re a woman grown, are you not?” I shook my head. “But you still have the intelligence of a girl. You are not dispensable Little Bird.” I suddenly went onto my top toes to try and meet his face. With a sudden urge of need, his hand stayed on my chin and I thought he really meant to kiss me this time. Our faces were close, almost close enough. My lips opened and I closed my eyes. 

My senses filled up with his scent, Wine and wood and earth and beer and salt. Breathing out slightly I bit my lip, anticipating. But my thoughts were soon taken, as there was a knock at the door. At first he growled at it and proceeded to come toward me, I felt one of his hands, wandering over my chest. But the knock was insistent and I stepped backward from him. Looking down at my clasped hands. 

There were some words shared between the knocker and my employer but I did not hear them. As the door slammed shut, I intended to get what I came for.

“Whence shall I take leave Ser?” He looked almost surprised and walked infront of me again. 

“This Saturday and onward for a week. A week.” Nodding I turned to the door but he called me back. “What are you doing to me, staying so close but then breaking me away?” 

“I am sorry Ser, I never meant, for any of this to. Occur, I am new to the company of men and I do not know what is right, only what feels right. I prayed to the God’s to forgive my sins.” 

“What sins?” 

“My some what, closeness to someone who I have no relationship with, it is a sin to become such a thing. God’s will is for me to live an honest life, it is not honest.” Stepping backward he came with me and held my wrist before I got to the door. 

“But you don’t find me, unpleasant, scars and all?”

“No Ser, far from it actually.” Then I tugged my hand and ran out of the door.


	7. Chapter VII

The next week I planned to leave for Casterly House, but a small obstacle. Made me stay another three days. The fact that the week Phillip had come to tell me of Mrs Lannister, Mr Clegane had left for Highgarden. Then two days later, he returned with, only Miss Margaery. She was alone with him and I could not bear it. So I came down every evening for a week to speak with my employer in the evening.

But last night, I do not believe I handed it too well.

“How do you find the Miss Margaery?” He asked me.

“Very, different to the company I am fond of Mr Clegane.” We were sitting on the same sofa as we always did, but I was up right and he slouching against the back of the pillows, seeming a little drunk.

“You talked of, marriage? Do you believe she might be a good match?” Looking down at my hands I brought my gaze to the fire once more.

“I know nothing of marriage Ser, it was only what I presumed.”

“Well then, Little Bird. Without your presumptions, what is your honest opinion?” Oh god, that had put myself on the spot, at that moment he leered closer to me, getting his head close to mine, and turning my face gently with a finger.

“Do you think I am in love with Miss Margaery Sansa?” I didn’t answer for a while, only tried to look down or left or right or up or anywhere so as I would not have to look at him. For I knew I might cry at the sound of love. What is it? Something I will never have from another. I may feel it, it’s wrath, and unkindness. Only blessing me with something that might be a sin. His hand reached up to my face and I fixed my eyes on his, drawing ever closer until our noses were touching and use could not ignore the hand on my waist.

Suddenly I stood up, brushing down my dress and breathing out heavily.  
“Do you think I am in love?” With Miss Margaery? Who was he talking of?

“I know nothing of love Ser.” He stood up to meet me but I stepped back.

“Sansa.” He almost barked, I jumped and carried on backing away. Till I had the safety of the door, but he was advancing toward me and I closed the door in his face.

Now, today, I could not bear to face him. Even if I was leaving today. It was only whence I was in the carriage me at set to leave when the door opened. I lifted my head and my employer sat in the seat opposite me.

“Yes Ser?”

“Please don’t. I can see that you were avoiding me today, or do not appreciate rudeness Sansa. Why did you flee?” Feeling ashamed I looked down.

“I was afraid.” I whispered.

“Of me, typical.”

“No, not of you. Of love.” Then he laughed a little, stopping when his gaze hit my troubled eyes. There were tears in them and I couldn’t hide them anymore.  
“I have never felt it Ser. It is unknown, I always fear the unknown as knowledge is my strength.” Sighing I looked at him and shrugged.

“Why do you not have enough strength, from yourself? Or from another?”

“No one would ever give it.” I bit the inside of my cheek and fumbled with my muffler. Hoping not to seem to forward.

“Don’t be so sure no one would give it willingly. For I doubt it is true.” Opening the door he stepped outside.

“Be brave Sansa.” Then he shut the door and walked to the stables.

As my carriage went over the cobblestone bridge at the edge of the Keep, I suddenly saw a rider in a yellow riding jacket and knew it was my employer. His horse was facing in my direction, and I waved, but he didn’t seem to be looking. Then she rode up next to him, Miss Summer Rose Tyrell, in a crimson riding outfit. They rode off together, away from me. That send a horrible pang to my chest and I looked away as I began to cry.

Whence I arrived at Casterly House, it was noticeably, unchanged. No edits had been made throughout the whole exterior of the house. I was greeted at the door by Daisy. The maid who was kind to me, if you had forgotten. She ushered me in and somebody brought my case. It was early evening and I wished for sleep. So I was taken, to a room, that I didn’t remember. My old room had been in the nursery so of course it wouldn’t be there that I slept. When I was settled into my room, I unbuttoned my simple dress and folded it, laying it on my dresser. I was in my shift now and taking a candle I moved under the covers. Blowing the candle out I began to dream.

I was a bird. Soaring through the sky, blue grey and white, with hints of green. Circling and diving through trees, I was in a forest, not a weirwood, a forest with normal trees. But it was a black and white, apart from me. There were black wolves and grey children. They didn’t seem scared though, and their eyes were completely white. Almost in a trance and not moving. Suddenly there was a roar and a surge or red, orange and yellow light came up through the forest. It was fire, but no natural fire, there were men. They were carrying the fire transporting it on clubs of wood. They started to set a light the wood, the wolves and the children. Cutting the wood down and slaughtering the wolves and the children.

I tried to fly forward to help them, but then I grew into a large Bird, an eagle or a falcon. But I was just flying into an invisible wall I couldn’t help the weirwood children or the wolves. Suddenly the remaining children rose up and lifted their arms up, they was a rumble from underneath the weirwood and behind me. The ground began to crack and water started to pool from the cracks.

Suddenly there was a crash behind me and a massive wave of water rose up behind the children and me, heading toward the men. They cowered before it and tried to run but the trees grew arms and kept them in place. Then the forest flooded, it flooded and flooded and flooded, with each rise of each wave. I had flown way up above the water and watched the water calm, and the dead bodies float. Then the water was draining, back down through the cracks, as quick as it came.

The ground dried, the trees stood. Then the children leant back on the trees, and they molded into the trees, disappearing into their trunks and not scared or unhappy. They were smiling. Flying down I settled on a branch grew back into a girl. Wearing only my shift. I jumped down onto the floor and looked up the the sky, but it was white, the trees had faces, and had turned into heart trees, then a figure was walking toward me from a distance. I waited and as they grew closer it was my employer.

He didn’t say anything, but just pushed me against a tree with no face on it. That was surrounded by a circle of heart trees, much like the Clegane Keep weirwood. He began to kiss me, hurriedly and desperately, I wrapped from arms around his neck and he pulled me closer with a hand on my back. He put his other hand over my breast and I leant into his touch. Suddenly I felt a wetness at my feet, looking down, the ground was red with a sea of blood.

Looking up my employer was walking away, back to Miss Summer Rose Tyrell. She was in a blood red dress, that seemed to connect to the sea of blood at my feet, the heart trees were crying and so tried to shout for Mr Clegane but no sound came. The blood seemed to be pulled away with the Tyrell girls dress and I could hear someone whispering, “Sansa, Sansa, Sansa.” The colour from the weirwood leaves was pulled off as well and it limped to follow the Tyrell girl, till it was all black and white again.

Then I woke up, it was morning and Daisy was shaking me and whispering my name. I was sweating, my brow was hot and so was my whole body. I sat up panting and looked up at Daisy, she smiled to herself and sat on my bed. I told her of the dream, she was the only person I truly trusted, really.

She told me it wasn’t strange that I might be feeling attractions to men that I meet, that up had not known much of men, so it wouldn’t strange. She told me of how she had dreamt of men before, it was peculiar to say the least, but it made her realise she was becoming a woman, physically and mentally. That she was growing up and she wasn’t afraid of it, the difference was, I am afraid of these feelings. There wrong, and it’s hard to keep them under wraps.

Daisy told me, how she had felt the slightest attraction to Me Baratheon, that he had been quite good looking in his youth, also that she could understand the complications of my position. The fact that he was my employer, and he was almost sure to be married soon. I wiped the tears from my eyes when I said that.

“Shsh Sansa.” She pulled me close into an embrace.

“I don’t know why I can’t, I can’t understand how he could love someone like her, he has no personal regard for her, and yet he seems to play with her. Her smirking face always there to torment me.” I sniffed into her shoulder.

“Well, while you are with us here, I shall have no talk of your employer. Fill your time with other things. Important things, Mrs Lannister is still calling for you. So I suggest you comply and get dressed.” Nodding I wiped my eyes. Daisy stood up and walked out of the door. Closing it.

Standing up, I leant against the fireplace, it’s burnt embers smelling of cinnamon for some reason. I changed into a simple dress, pulling my hair back into a simple braided bun. Walking downstairs I breakfasted with Daisy in the skullery. As I went up the stairs I saw the many family paintings, some with, and some without Mr Baratheon. All without me, I was never even considered a friend, even though I supposed to be treated as their family. Memories of beating from Joffrey returned to me, teasing from Myrcella about how my clothes were ugly, and Tommen, who would stare at me with a glare. At least the younger brother and sister did not join in, in the beatings.

Laying my hand on on of the door frames I ran my fingers along the wallpaper. The paint making little bumps on the wall, and making my fingers buzz when I pulled them quickly. Pushing a red strand of hair out of my face I got to the top of the stairs, I stared down at the the floor below, and did not believe I was here, walking to a window I thought of, a conversation I had with Mrs Lannister before I left. I had about four days before I was taken from on Casterly House, to the Red Keep.

“You never treated me as even a friend. You hate me, why?” I shouted at her.

“You are a sinful child, what else am I to do? Accept your sins and forget all your hate and spite? No Sansa Stark, I shall not do that to the day I die I shall not.” Standing up I walked to where she was sitting on the sofa in front of me.

“I hate you, I hate you and your children, Joffrey the most. He beats me and you stand by looking on. I am glad I was never any relation of yours, because I hate you the most, and I could not be abused by my family so and still have to have some affection. For I see it wise to have some for any family members. But you are not, you shall not, you will not ever be my family, of which I am glad of!”

“How dare you, you, insolent child!” Clenching my fists I glared down at her.  
“How dare I Mrs Lannister? Because it is the truth I tell you! You think I have no feelings, that I do not feel. That you did not have to give me any love or kindness. But no one can live like that. So why should I have to?” She glared up at me with a smirk on her face.

“You’ll be gone anyhow, so it makes no difference what you, think. Besides, no one could ever love you Sansa Stark. Not when you are older, and certainly not now.” At that I ran out of the room.

Now, I walked into the drawing room where Myrcella and another golden haired lady were sitting. Happily chatting away, they paid me no attention until I sat before them.

“Sansa..” Myrcella started, I gave a small smile.

“Your back then?” I nodded.

“Mother sent for you didn’t she? Your forgiveness, your right, it’s what she talked of. Yet, I didn’t have mine and you always had yours.” Her bitter tone confused me.

“Myrcella, what right could I possible have that you do not?” Looking down, the golden haired girl fumbled with her fingers, and looked teary.

“You have the opportunity to do what you want, you would have the right to land and money if your family had it. I am my mother’s second child, but after Joffrey’s death she gives the land and money to my younger brother. You will never have any of these problems.” Biting my lip I smoothed my dress down and there was a knock at the door.

“I have a call to bring Miss Stark.” The servant stepped forward addressing Myrcella, she sighed and muttered something like, I don’t care. I stood up and followed the servant.

We took a turn on one of the flights of stairs, and were heading to the second floor of the west side of the large house, right into the lions den of Mrs Lannisters room. It was dark, and almost dingy, with all the drapes pulled over the windows and only a few candles to light the room, it was quite curious. That she would want to be in such darkness.

The servant closed the door and left, leaving me alone with the shell of the woman I had known seven years ago. Frail and fragile, thin and limp, but still as spiteful and full of hate as I remembered her. But now I felt sorry for her. Her past crimes toward me forgotten, I found a common sympathy with the spiteful. Who could not see the good in people as they couldn’t in themselves.  
I sat myself on the chair set up next to her bed and she stared at me.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“I am Sansa Stark.” I replied calmly, her brow furrowed, and she looked up to the ceiling.

“You are not Sansa Stark, I have had such troubled dreams about that devilish child. Mad she was, I sent her to the Red Keep to die, but she didn’t die. She refused to die.” I tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away.

“Why do you hate, Sansa Stark?”

“I hated her father, he was my husband’s greatest friend, and my husband spent more time with him than he did with me, he cared for him more, and didn’t care for his wife or children. He was no family to us. But still he always seemed part of my husband’s family.” I sighed and leant back into the chair.

“When we took her in, my husband, found sympathy for her. The fool, even on his death bed he called for it, rather than his own children. Where’s Joffrey? My beautiful boy, he was a good son who loved his mother. But he always needed money always. WHERES JOFFREY? WHERE IS HE?” She began to wail. One of the servants ran in and calmed her, but I was already out of the room.

Two weeks later. In the evening I was in the drawing room with Tommen and Myrcella.

  
Tommen had arrived back from a party the night before. Myrcella's golden haired friend had alreadly departed. We were in complete silence. Tommen reading a book, and Myrcella fanning herself with a cream fan. He was now tall, broad shouldered, handsome, with a defined jaw line and a pleasant look to himself. But I doubted that his temperament was as such.

She looked round to her brother and rolled her eyes.

“I do wish Uncle Jaime could take us to town one of these days. At least for a week or too, to be away from all of this for a while.” She wined but I had no pity.

“Myrcella, if there was a more, stupid, vein absurd animal as you, I should like to behold it. You cannot be alone, you must have attention and flattery. Or you waste away and die. You are completely useless and in being useless you cling onto anything else with a purpose. Then if no-one wishes to burden themselves with such a fat, annoying waste of space such as you. You wine and moan, to the people who do not wish to hear it.” Sitting up Myrcella glared at her brother with a tight jaw.

“Well, we all know it was you that left when mother grew ill, and you left when Joffrey died. You never cared for me, we all know it was you that broke of my engagement with Trystane Martell.”

“Yes,” He interrupted. “I dislike you the most. Let me give you this advice. It shall be the last advice you receive from me, because when this, business, as you call it, is over. I wash my hands of you, and it’s I that inherits. My advice is as follows. Split your days into sections, do something in each, for yourself and for others. So that you can remind yourself of your own existence and not need flattery to do so!” Myrcella started to cry, and Tommen kept a straight face.

  
Then she got up and ran out the door.

A servant knocked on the mirroring door, and was admitted. She asked for me. As I followed, we were going back to Mrs Lannisters room, even if I was a bit apprehensive I followed. I stood above her and she stared at me again.  
“You called for me?” She nodded and sighed, coughing slightly.

“Yes, Sansa Stark, you have returned. Well, I needed to set my mind to rest before I died. It involves you. Go to that desk over there,” I followed her gaze. “In the top drawer there is a letter. Take it out and read it.” Sure enough there was, sitting in am empty draw, covered in a bit of dust. I wiped it off and sat down next to her bed.

“Madam, who you be kind enough to send me the adress of my niece, Sansa. My niece Sansa Stark, I wish her to join me in Scotland, as I have been blessed with fortune and have no wife nor children. I wish to adopt her, and for her to inherit everything I own. Yours Sincerely, Benjen Stark.” I turned the paper over to the front.

“But this is dated three years from now how could you keep this all this time and-"

“I knew you would want to go, I knew that you would always want to go to a foreign country, but I didn’t want to give you that luxury. So I wrote back to your uncle telling him you had died of a fever at the Red Keep. I hated you, I hated you so much Sansa Stark. I got my revenge, now you have yours. Write back to him and tell him of my falsehood how I lied of a death, how the gods shall judge me and send me to the seven hells. I shall be dead by morning so I do not care.” I glared at the letter and clutched it in my hand. Then moving my glare to her. Her, the one that sits so proud on a throne of lies. She lied to me, she lied to her children, she lied to my family. She lies to everything and everyone.

Then her breathing grew shallow. Small rasps of air, grabbing the last morsel of life before it was pulled from her, and the stranger hulked over her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandor Chapter next!


	8. Chapter VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sansa returns from Casterly House, and Mr Clegane knows he cannot prolong there relationship, what will the two do to overcome the problems they face?

When I got back from riding with Margaery, I knew maybe it was wrong to do what I was doing. But fuck morals, what did they ever do for me? Forgive and forget? That’s never happening. I know that I just wanted to make Sansa jealous, but I mean, is that bad? Would it even make any difference? I doubt it. Besides, I have other problems to worry about.

The evening of the riding, I was in the drawing room, in an armchair far from the harth. Margaery approached me, and I looked at her, laying my brandy down on the table.

“So, Clegane your pet governess has left. The girl shall have to survive on her own.” Margaery raised her eyebrows and I rolled my eyes.

“I’ve been looking around the place, I like it, of course. But, it could do with the touch of a woman, a little femininity in places I could see.” Swinging some brandy I laughed.

“Then you’re the woman to do it?”

“Perhaps, it doesn’t rely on me to make that decision.” Sitting down in the seat in front of me she sat up straight and I felt pretty drunk at this stage.

“What do you want, Margaery?” I asked, stony faced.

“What any woman wants, power, money, influence. What do you want Clegane? I can see you mean not to marry me, but you invited me back alone, why?” Leaning forward she pored herself some brandy and leant back in the armchair looking like any other man.

“Why should that concern you? Who I invite to my house.”

“As it was I who was invited.” She took a long swig and I nodded.

“True, true, fine then, I thought I could use you to make another jealous.” Margaery seemed to relish at the fact and leant forward eyes asking, who. I shook my head. But just was sure she alreadly knew who.

Two weeks later when Margaery left, I found myself bored. There was no one to talk to. The Little Bird still had not returned from her travels even though it was a week’s leave just gave her, but I suppose she never listens. How can I ever get her to desire me when she always holds up a barrier? The fact of me being her employer and she said it was a sin, which I certainly don’t understand.

But how I wish she was here now. To see the Little Bird’s devilish hair. How I could tease her about anything, or make her happy, or make her sad. Touch her, see her, feel her, ugh when shall she come back to me? I know until always scare her, but, she doesn’t mind she likes it really, anyway it’s my character, so, fuck niceties.

* * *

  
I cannot say I was displeased as I departed from Casterly House, but, it could have been treated better. Daisy told me it was best to leave as soon as I could. I had been a month away from Clegane Keep, while my employer had permitted me only one week. As after the funeral for Mrs Lannister, Myrcella begged me to stay till the end of the month when she was going to London with her uncle Jaime.

The stay brought me slight apprehension to the thought of going back. But, I was packed up into a carriage at 6 a.m a month later, and was told the journey would take at least six hours. With the long journey ahead Daisy had given me some food from the kitchens to take with me.

Falling asleep in the carriage I was only woken when we arrived back at the road to Clegane, I was dropped off in the town next to the keep and was given my case. Putting down my hood I stood still for a minute looking at the sky, then it began to rain. The sky had been teasing the clouds for a while now and now they gave the full on pour down. Gripping my case with white knuckles I took off my gloves and put them in the case along with my bonnet. I let the rain coat me and the smells infuse me. Whence I got into the forest near the keep where I had first met Clegane I laid down my case when I arrived at a clearing. Taking off the cloak I lay it along with my case under a tree out of the rain. Rolling my head I walking into the clearing, putting my arms out I began to spin.

Thinking about everything, my mother my father, death and pain, blood and screams, heat and burning. Secrets and lies kept from me, she hid them, away from the orphan away from the girl away from the infant away from the fire. But I kept running, unlocking the lies, finding birds, flying away, fleeing from the cage. Trying to find her in heaven but she kept running and laughing, there wasn’t enough space and I couldn’t get through, the stranger refused, I fought but he contained me for later use.

Touch, smell, earth, wine, salt, beer he defined as I tried to run to him I knew I couldn’t get there in time. He chose her instead of me, a rose for a bird as she flies away once more. Perfection Vs faults, beauty Vs vanity, wealth Vs poverty, flattery Vs desperation. They hardly add up if you are of the latter and have no means of reclaiming your prize. If your prize has chosen another beholder and not you, you might wither and die, as I have. He’d be thirty I’de be nineteen we would run away, find somewhere to hide, a desert, a wood, a river, or a jungle, we would run away from everyone, everything never to return. I want to find a place for us to hide, be together but alone as the need for it has grown. A cave or a shed, A hole in the ground, Or a burial mound, A bush or a tree, Or the Aegean see will do for me.

I will run and find a place for us to hide, be together with no one else, but if he goes he should let me know. He has the strongest touch, feel and gaze, I bite my lip at the anxious feel inside, running my lips along the dry feel as they begin to be patterned with droplets. Closed eyes make me oblivious, eyelashes overlapped, hair tickling the back of my neck, teeth biting, fingernails digging into my hand, legs growing heavy and feet aching. I will run and find a place to hide. A prison cell or a coal mine just big enough to fit inside, so you can set my heart on fire. Falling into the deep end, the blue engulfs me and I can almost see her. She’s laughing and dancing and trying to reach out, the stranger is admitting me. But he stands in the way, he won’t let them take me. Then I opened my eyes.

My lungs were on fire, I was in the water, sitting up I breathed deeply and coughed gripping the sides of a metal bath. Leaning forward I gagged and brought up a little water. How long had I been dreaming? Then suddenly a door opened and he ran in. I had wanted a place for us to hide, away from the eyes away from the prejudice away from everyone. But here he was, he had waited for me, running to my side and hitting my back. I soon was breathing normally, and noticed I was only in my slip and I hugged my knees to my body to hide my nakedness. Seeming to understand, my employer stood up and brought me a new clean dress laying it on the chair. But, he didn’t seem to want to leave, going to the door and shutting it, but Mr Clegane did not leave. He turned and sat on the chair next to the bath. I looked up at him with eyes of innocence, he had found a place for us to hide.

“Why were you in the wood Little Bird?” He rasped, he seemed to be close to crying. Bent over his knees with his hands clasped and elbows leaning on his knees. I reached forward and touched his hands with my warm one, he flinched away and I withdrew my hand in shame, returning it to hug my legs.

I’m sorry if I smothered you, I sometimes wish I’d stayed inside my mother. Never to come out. I wanted to tell him. But, I couldn’t. I wanted to cry and fly at him so he could hold me, and I would beat at his chest angry at him for everything he had done, and how I couldn’t tell him. That I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette, I'm a lifeless face that he’ll soon forget, And my eyes are damp from the words he left, Ringing in my head, when he broke my chest. Sympathy didn’t seem to come easy with this man, and I knew I shouldn’t force it. Maybe it would just be best if I left.

“Sir, I believe it would just be better if I left.” Lifting his head my employer shook his head and my lip trembled.

“No.” Was all he said.

“There is someone, who I, care deeply for but. I’m wasted, losing time. I’m a foolish, fragile spine. I want all that is not mine. I want him but we’re not right. How do I tell him that I cannot stay?” Sitting up Mr Clegane put a hand through his hair and the smell of wine was intense.

“But what if you were right for each other?” He said coming down to my side. I looked at him from the side and he held my head in his hands.

“But he does not want me and two parts as they are, are not compatible with each other.” Closing my eyes I tried to imagine running away to leave him. But I could not without an utterly unbearable void in my chest.

“I should go now quietly. For my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep. Where all my layers can become reeds, all my limbs can become trees, what a mess I leave to follow. As he caused the death worthy feeling inside of me, with the thought of leaving him. How could he break every rule, every social class rule, every human life rule. Just for me?” I carried on. He ran a hand over my hair and began to stroke it down. I opened my eyes too look at the close proximity between us.

“He would do anything for you and social status would mean nothing if he had you. And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one. 'Cause most of us are bitter over someone. Setting fire to our insides for fun, to distract your hearts from ever missing them. But he is, forever missing you.” I lost it then, beginning to cry pulling my face away and turning around so my back was to him. Curling up in the bath and turning on my side so I wasn’t facing him.

“I’m not the enemy Sansa, I wish you no harm and I cannot do this any longer. Please, don’t speak to me of heartbreak, it plagues my soul, I have no hope in solitude. You have no possible understanding of it as I do, for the fear of another heartbreak would kill me. As I should kill myself.” I just cried and I couldn’t contain it anymore. All the emotion and frustration caught up inside came out it large bursts of pain that I had contained.

I felt a hand on my back and I suddenly turned and flew into his arms. Gripping to his shoulders in fear he might slip away from me. His arms wrapped around my body and pulled the upper half from the water, breathing slowly my crying ceased and I buried my head into his shoulder. Mr Clegane pulled away from me for a second, teaching to the chair for the towel. I took it gratefully and stood up as I wrapped it around my shoulders, looking up at him I pushed a hair from my face.

“Thank you, Mr Clegane.” I could see I wasn’t in my room, and it was probably his, so I stepped out of the bath and rang out my slip at the end. He stood still and I saw him clench his fists before he stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

For the next month, there was no sign of my employer. He had gone somewhere, and not even Mrs Mordane knew where, it was know that I entered the door of depression. It welcomed me in but wouldn’t let me leave. I would teach Shireen in the morning to early afternoon, then sit or lie on my bed in my room, letting silent tears streak my face. Now all I wanted was for him to marry Miss Summer Rose Tyrell so I could be over with this heartbreak and leave. I just wanted to leave and never come back.

But it was the most bitter feeling inside me, the fact that I would have to live without all this. The first and only life I had been gifted with. Which was also the only one I wanted to keep, I had no desire for a wealthier or richer life, only this. Maybe, this was love, maybe this was what it felt like? I had no experience to refer to. Apart from the love my parents and Mr Baratheon could have shown me.

Although, with me being still an infant and inferior to memories, I had no recollections of this, love. The only time I went out was to walk Lady, and that was only once a day, before I knelt down before the God’s in front of the weirwood. Praying for a wedding, any sort, grand or small, beautiful or plain, happy or dreary, but a wedding I would pray for. Anything to release me from the iron grip of distaste and neglect. That, would set my heart to rest, or I would have to do it myself if he would not marry and run from it. Run as far as I could and never look back, because he caused it.

I suppose now I’m just an echo, and it’s the only thing that’s left of me, because no one can hear me anymore. As I have grown silent and out on the edge there is no use shouting because you’ll never be found. My shadow is the only real friend I have and, I don’t want to carry on like this. I can’t.  
Anyway, now I refuse to let myself deteriorate because of a feeling, I should pick myself up.

* * *

  
Why did I do it? Why did I stay? Why didn’t I just leave when I could have? Was all I could think as I had ridden away from the keep. After I had taken a practically naked Little Bird into my arms and hugged her close. It was irresponsible and stupid, as now she might get caught up in the business that follows me everyday, also with an old wretch like me. Besides it was about a month till Christmas, so all the best that I am not there.

What’s the point in prolonging it, she'll forget about me soon and it’s for the best besides, I can’t get any closer to her without it becoming dangerous, for me and her. I mean she relies on her faith and God’s and honesty too much to ever love me. Of those three that I do not give a fuck about, honesty is the least of my problems.

How would I take care of her? I’de hurt her or drive her away and she’d grow to hate me bitterly. She doesn’t understand what she would be doing if she was involved with me. But, maybe I could just keep it a secret from her? But she would shun me and push me away if she found out my secret.

Anyhow, two days after my departure from the keep I traveled to Southern France and met with some business partners. Ever thinking about my, no she’s not mine, ever thinking about the little bird. I could not keep her off my mind but I knew I had too leave, I had too stay away from her for both our sakes.  
In the mornings I would take morning strolls through the small streets, getting the usual stares of fear or discuss that I always got. Then in the afternoon I would stay at my villa or take lunch at a restaurant, evenings would bring me to clubs or walking. Over and over I went through the same routine, until about five months later something happened.

Leaning on a bridge I was looking over a stretch of water when someone tapped me on the shoulder, I believed it was a prank or something to annoy me, so I didn’t turn but then there was a voice.

“Um Sir? Monsieur?” I turned, it was a young woman, a little older than the Little Bird I predicted. She had brown locks curled at the ends and braids on the sides on her head. But for the first time she didn’t look scared at all, she smiled at me, a woman smiled at me, a stranger…. My burns and scars didn’t seem to bother her at all even though she looked like a rather fragile sort of lady. She was wearing a maroon dress that was low cut on the shoulders with a thin purple shawl.

“Yes.” I rasped looking at her straight in the face. Her smile never faulted.  
“I was wondering if you could direct me to the nearest coach house. I wish to rent out?” Nodding I saw her cheeks turn a little red. Walking along side me the woman looked at me sometimes and then looking away.

“What’s your name?” I asked her, it seemed the logical thing to do.

“Florence Wraithe , Florry, or Flo if you please, and you?” Staring down at her she didn’t look at all scared but had a questioning resting face about her.

“Why would you want to know? An old man walking you too a coach house is hardly an invitation for introduction and-"

“True.” She interrupted. “But it was you who asked me first, so sir I believe tis only fair that I should know yours.” I chuckled and put my hands up in defeat.

“Alright, Sandor Clegane at your service madame.” Florry removed her gloves from her hands and kept hold of them looking to the sky and the water next to us below the bridge.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it. The way the colour just flows through our eyes with no effort, and it’s still as magnificent as ever. Then the green and teal just blend, with the texture of the water and don’t have to try to fit in with the other colours.” I looked at her smiling a tiny bit.

“I only see blue and green and even then, that’s only in one and a half eyes.” Hearing her laugh it made my heart clench a little.

“Then, we shall have to teach you a better way Mr Clegane.”

“You’re an artist?” Her heart seemed to sink with her expression as she crossed her arms.

“I do wish, but no, I’m an heiress which in my opinion is unfortunate. My father won’t let me do anything and I hate being all feminine as I am, I have no problem being a women of course, as that is absurd. But, I wish I was aloud to go on more walks, more rides, have a job, be independent. I hate being enclosed in a cage.” My brain suddenly shot to the Little Bird at a mention of a cage. I hope someone breaks it, but just not me.

“Well, why don’t you move to another continent or country to escape your family, you have funds to do it I suppose?” She nodded.

“Yes but my father would just find me and order me home or come to that place and I wouldn’t feel quite comfortable with keeping such a big secret from them.” I nodded and we were coming up to the coach house I had talked about. There were about eight carriages there and eighteen or nineteen so horses.  
“Well, miss Wraithe, I bid you good day.”

“Sorry. Mr, Clegane. I do not want to be so forward sir, but would I be in a place to request another meeting. As I know no one here and your company does not bore me as it does with others.” Chuckling I rubbed my chin and pushed some hair from my face.

“I suppose I could spare the time. Tomorrow, on that bridge, at 1.00 p.m.” It didn’t seem like I was asking her a question.

“Yes, thank your sir. I should be very, glad to meet you again.” Then she turned and walked into the coach house, smiling at me as she disappeared from view.

The next day, as it happened I was greeted by Florence's smiling face at 1.00 p.m. She was in a turquoise and green dress today, which looked thinner than any of the ones in England. I walked to her and she put her hand through my arm and held her hand there. She was carrying a satchel over her shoulder. Not seeming to care for the stares.

“How are you Mr Clegane?”

“Very well, thank you. The air seems to be lessening my swearing which is apparently not attractive.” Florence smiled and started running her finger along the crease in my blazer sleeve.

“You can swear, I don’t mind. But, only if I am allowed to as well.” Nodding I let out a rasped, fuck I heard her giggle a little and her cheeks were flushed.  
“So what brings you to France?” She seemed to take a deep breathe before replying.

“Well, I told my father this was a field trip, holiday kind of thing and I was being accompanied by six or so other ladies, but I got the fare and took my own money and have been here for about a month now. I’m just travelling around and it’s quite pleasant really. I met new people had a few rendezvous.” Looking at her I rolled my eyes and she burst out laughing, covering her mouth because people were looking at her.

“I never expected such things of you Florence, that you would casual fuck, instead of marrying first as most insist.” People started at me as I walked past them but me and Florry on looked at each other and laughed even more. She took her arm from my elbow and pushed her hair back, gathering it onto her head and pinning it into a sort of bun shape. I had never seen a woman just do her hair in public, not that I really cared. But people stared at us even more.  
We walked to the Ambrussum. Well, what was left of it. Of the full bridge only three arches remained, from its build in the fourth century, where the Romans had conquered the area. Wandering down the cobbled path leading to the Abrussum we talked of home, and I also talked of the Little Bird.

As we approached a bench she sat down and pulled out the contence of her satchel. It was a sketch book and a case of pencils. She began to sketch out the outline of the bridge and the surrounding wager, shrubbery and trees. Creating the flowing effect with rubbing the pencil in, different places.  
Almost two months later I was collapsing onto a bed with Florence in my arms, we stayed in bed, fucking for a few days. Before I began to have dreams about her and me going back to Clegane Keep and me once again realising that I could have no relationship happiness, as it was impossible. I had a lengthy rendezvous with Flo, about three months.

“I doubt you’ll come home with me.” I told her, she was resting her head on my bare chest while I played with her hair. She rested her head on her hands and smiled at me.

“That’s probably true, but I suspect you have a wife besides. Someone like you, a rich man, who quite frankly isn’t in as best shape as he could be, how long has it been since you’ve had sex?” Exhaling loudly I thought back to about three years ago when I paid a cheap blonde prostitute to be in my bed while I was in the Caribbean. But apart from that, this was it since then.

“About three years.” She kind of smiled while trying to not laugh. “Oi don’t laugh, cheeky.” I started to tickle her and then push her under me so she couldn’t escape. Even when she began to rub on my arms, from my shoulders down my arms and hands and down my bare sides before she got to my dick. My hand stopped her but she didn’t.

After a few minutes, I collapsed next to her and she breathed out loudly, as she got up and began to dress.

“Well, I have a train to catch. This was nice, three months is good for me. What about you?” She was fastening her corset and underskirt.

“Try match fifteen years of utter torment and I shall congratulate you.” Laughing again she was nearly dressed. Fiddling with the buttons on her dress. As she fastened them and fixed her hair she came to my side of the bed. Smiling she leant down and kissed me, holding onto my face and I ran my hand through her hair.

When she left, I knew couldn’t stay much longer. It was a new year now and I wanted to get back to my Little Bird

 

 

 

 

_** Songs That inspired this chapter, and also have lyrics put iin. They are all amazing, please listen and enjoyxx: ** _

[Daughter-Smother](https://m.youtube.com/?gl=GB#/watch?v=GnkzvAXWV-0%20)

[Dillon-Thirteen Thirty five](https://m.youtube.com/?gl=GB#/watch?v=jCId5WQ7BGw%20)

[Daughter-Youth](https://m.youtube.com/?gl=GB#/watch?v=VEpMj-tqixs%20)

[Mumford and Sons-The Enemy](https://m.youtube.com/?gl=GB#/watch?v=30XKzxnTYK8)


	9. Chapter IX

It had been about six months since I had last seen Mr Clegane. Now I knew he had forgotten about me, I thought perhaps I was an ivory Bird and not a porcelain one. But I am still as fragile and weak as before, more so without him. However much I try to respect myself, I cannot. As I am not myself without him, he has become a part of my being and to have him torn from me, kills me. How do I respect myself when I grovel and beg at the God’s feet for him to come back to me? I can’t.

Maybe I need to find another way of respecting myself, and try not to rely on another to help me do that. Or maybe I just cannot survive without him, it’s probably that. I’ve got so accustomed to his being here that maybe I could focus on a time line with no intervals. I don’t want to carry on the same cycle for the rest of my life, and I can’t do anything as a woman with no money. So I must stay and outlive the torment of a mapped out life. Until Shireen is old enough to not need a governess I suppose. I suppose he had always made his choice with Margaery Tyrell, so I never had a chance anyway. The summer Rose will always triumph over me, her beauty so distracting, that nothing else matters.

But then a week later a horse rode into the stables, a dark destrier, looking out the window. I ran down the back stairs that led to the stables and unlocked the door, quickly opening it at the sound of horses stamping. It was late evening but I didn’t remember a shawl.

He, was standing there. In glorious pain and mercy, the God’s had answered my innocent prayers. That had a dangerous wanton feel to them, I saw nothing except for the first time I looked at him, when I really looked at him.

_My heart was beating double time as his muscular figure walked to me. He was sweating, I could see that, the perfect male persona, he wiped his hand on a handkerchief, that he stuffed into his pocket as he sat in the other white wicker chair next to me. Slouching back into the chair his chest rose and fell at a steady pace and he pushed hair out of the way of his face._

_“How are you sir?” Now I was looking him up and down. Wanting to hit myself as I wished I could see what was under his shirt._

_“I am no sir, girl.”_

_“Nor I a girl, I’m your Little Bird remember. We made that agreement.”_

_“My Little Bird?” It was only then I realised what I hands and I stuttered a worried reply._

_“I’m sorry, Ser- Mr Clegane, I did not mean to say-"_

_“No need to apologize Little Bird. You are not mine, I know that for a fact. You wouldn’t waste a flap of your porcelain wings for an old dog.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“You would never give me your song, therefore I am right.” My song? Does he want me to sing for him? He must have seen my questioning look because he laughed._

_“Don’t trouble your pretty little mind over it Little Bird. But if you knew, you’d agree with me. How has Shireen been?”_

_“Not a trouble if that’s what your asking. She just, asks a lot of questions and gets distracted, nothing I can’t handle though. You said you’d tell me your, tale of woe, about your,scars. When shall another time,be?” He sat up in he chair and looked out to the lawn where Shireen was still prancing around._

_“Not yet, I want you to make a judgement of me, without knowing my past just yet. So, what is your judgement of my character Miss Stark?”_

_“That, courtesy and dignitaries would not away you, and you do not, wish to ever serve.” He nodded and I bit the inside of my cheek, worried about what he would reply._

_“Your judgement is singular to many, you did not even mention my face.”_

_“I’m sorry sir, you told me to judge your character not your appearance, that is a different matter.”_

_“As you say, you have caught me out.” Now I could smell his musty sent, wood and earth and salt and beer and wine. Now those things meant more to me than ever before. I was wandering my eyes intently down his body, his face and neck, his broad shoulders and calloused hands, his chest that ebbed and flowed while he breathed, how the sweat meant I could faintly see the outlines of the muscles on his chest, down his sculpted legs and large boots._

 

His figure was no more displeasing than the first time. With a trench coat on it was harder to see him, but I remembered the curve of his neck, the define of his jaw, the feel of his strong hands holding mine, his hand delicately touching me, his smell, oh his smell. Which now smelled a little of flowers. Perfume. Perfume? Had I been replaced, had a woman with more knowledge and know how on men?

Walking forward to him I bit my lip and he smiled at me, stopping as I reached arms length his eyes softened.

“Am I too leave then?” I asked.

“Why would you leave?”

“Am I too find a new situation and school for Shireen?”

“What?”

“Your marriage sir, it will mean I must do these things, so if you would tell me that I am meant to, it would be helpful.” A moment of silence conspired between us. He still looked confused.

“Miss Tyrell sir, do not act innocent toward the attraction, you love her, she loves you. You are supposed to marry, even though I do not understand how you can love someone such as her?” Raking a hand through his hair he didn’t answer my question.

“How are you?” Then a sudden unknown rage filled up inside me, a six month period had passed and he still believes everything is the same. Before he left me, I conspired an utterly intimate experience with him, and he ran from it. How can I forgive that and he just act as if it is normal?

“Six months.” Tears began to stream my cheeks.

“I’m sorry but I went to-"

“Why did you just run? I thought you cared for me, I knew I never should have trusted you. How could I have thought you cared for me, how could anyone such as you care for someone such as me? And why do you have the smell of a woman’s perfume about you, another rendezvous perhaps?” I put a hand to my mouth only suddenly realising what I had just said.

“It was, complicated. I couldn’t stay, I wanted you to forget about me. I didn’t want you caught up in an old wretches business, things that follow me everyday. I was irresponsible and stupid to take you into my arms, to get close to you. But I suppose it’s difficult to leave a good thing.” He still hadn’t told me where the smell of perfume was from and I wanted an answer.

“All I want to know is one thing. We’re you with another woman while you were away?” He paused looking up at me from a tilted head.

“Yes. Her name was Florence, she was like you. But, more smiley and older.” More tears streamed my cheeks and I silently wiped my eyes with a shaky hand. Backing away from him I reached the door and he ran forward, clutching the sleeve of my dress.

“Sir, please, you have made your decision about me. As I should about you, you, you don’t care about me. So why should I wait for something to happen?” I exclaimed, trying to pull from his iron grip.

“When you were gone, I prayed at every God’s feet everyday, for you to come back to me. I cannot live without you sir, I cannot respect myself because you are part of me. How can I respect only a portion of me, that’s what it feels like sir. I can see that is all wasted!” Looking down I stopped struggling.

“Its not fair on me, to just turn up and expect me to act as it was. It was good, pleasurable, wasn’t it? What did I do wrong?” His hand loosened its grip and he stood closer too me.

“Nothing. I just, wanted more, that you cannot give and I couldn’t stay because you would be victimized by everyone if I asked you or it. You’d be named the hounds whore, or the hounds bitch. That I could not live with and-"

“And you think that I could have? Maybe those could have happened naturally if you had stayed. But you didn’t you left, you left me alone. You thought, you would come back and I should feel graced and blessed by your return. But I am not, marry your heirs and ladies. I want none of it.” But suddenly he pulled me out of the door way and into one of the empty horse stalls.

My body was right up close too his, and my chest was rising and falling on his chest. One of My employers hands a was on my back pulling me to him to other was on my face. Taking my hands I lay them on his neck and opened my mouth a little, breathing fast.

I knew I shouldn’t, I knew it was wrong. That he had left me, and that I shouldn’t trust him and I should respect myself. But as I repeat now, I cannot not respect myself, unless I am my whole self and I am only my whole self with him being included, so I cannot live without this closeness.

He moved his hand from my face, to the back of my head. Leaning closer and pulling me toward him, until a horse stamped and I jumped backwards, but he followed me and pressed me up to the other side of the horse stall, pressing his mouth onto mine. I just stood there and leant into him, before wrapping my arms around his neck and joining him in the electrifying feeling in my lower stomach.

His hands, waved through my hair, causing it to fall out of its bun and onto my shoulders. I pressed closer to him and he tried to get to the strings on the back of my dress but I pulled my mouth from his.

“No, not now. Wait. Mr Clegane.”

“Call me by my name.” He rasped. But I realised I didn’t know his name, looking up at him I shrugged and he whispered his name close to my ear. Then kissing up my neck.

“Say it.” Mr employer said a little stronger, as he stopped kissing me.

“Sandor.” It felt wonderful to say and to know his name. Sandor held me from behind, and lowered me onto the new hay, he lay down next to me, and I lay on top of him. Then I realised, he still wasn’t to marry me, he was to marry summer rose. Not me, the God’s shall punish me for this. Sitting up and standing tears streamed my face.

“I’m sorry sir, I shall go now. I shouldn’t be here, in this, situation. It should be someone else.” Sandor’s face was all of confusion as he stood to meet me. But I didn’t stay, I ran out the entrance to the stable, down the cobble stone path and to the weirwood. I ran till I reached the circle of heart trees and faced one.  
Mr Clegane had followed me, reaching me he turned my body.

“What are you talking about? That it should have been someone else? Do you want it to be someone else with me?” I shook my head.

“It doesn’t matter what I want when it is basically planned. Why should my personal wants stand in the way of two people destined to marry? It shouldn’t.”  
“Who are you talking of?” He asked.

“Your bride!”

“What fucking bride?!” I looked at him teary eyed again at him not understanding.

“Miss Tyrell of course! Do you think it is easy, for me to watch you flaunt and flirt with her. Do you think, just because I am poor, obscure, plain and little that I have no feelings. Do you think I am a machine with no feelings that I should be contempt with leaving this place. It is here that I have been treated as an equal. Not discriminated as a woman or a poor woman too top that, you sir have been kinder than most would and I cannot thank you enough for it. The thought of leaving rips my heart apart, but I know I must.” He pulled me close too him and tried to free my wrists from his hands.

“No,Sansa, Sansa,listen.” I stopped writhing.

“I do not love Miss Tyrell, you should know that. It is you, you strange little thing. My Little Bird, it is you I care for.”

“Sir, please. If we could have stood at the God’s feet as equals I could accept you. But we cannot, I have sinned greatly, and I will not let you tell me that. It hurts me too much, sir, I beg of you to let me go.” I carried on trying to get free of his grasp, he swore loudly and I stopped.

“Please, Little Bird, I give you my hand, my soul, my mind, everything, everything I own and love. Will you take me? Will you be mine till death do us part?” Marriage? No ,he could not be.

“Your mocking me.” I bluntly said my eyes glassy.

“You doubt me?”

“Entirely. Your bride is Miss Tyrell.”

“Miss Tyrell? She is the machine without feelings. It’s you I want, you I cannot live without. Poor and obscure as you are, fuck all who would discriminate you for it. I beg of you to become mine and I yours.” I just stared into his eyes not really believing he had said it.

“You are truthful?” I asked in disbelief. He nodded.

“Then Sir I shall marry you.” Leaning forward I kissed him. As the clouds drew in, and I still kissed him then, as we ran hand in hand to the keep door.

* * *

When we got to the keep door. I could see her white cold knuckles and I pulled her into the drawing room, where there was a fire burning. Locking the door behind me she sat on the sofa giggling.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“This, it’s what I’ve wanted for so long, and, it’s happening.” Almost sprinting over too her, I sat right up close to her, going to the lace on the back of her dress. She didn’t protest, but suddenly stopped me.

“Not here anyway, besides, were not married and I don’t want to. Start a scandal as it were or get any names as an adulterer.” Nodding I lay back on the sofa pulling her with me. She lay on my chest, resting her head there. We fell asleep like that, with happy dreams of what could have been. But I knew, that marrying Sansa could be the worst sin I had ever committed.


	10. Chapter X

Whence I woke, Sansa was still leaning on my chest and I quickly detached myself from her, laying her head tenderly on the sofa pillow. I walked to one of the windows and sat on the cill, opening it I let in the cold morning air and looked to the Godswood at the top of the hill infront of me. The heart tree we had stood under had be slashed in the night from the thunderstorm, the face of the heart tree was split in two and it cried more red tears than ever. But anyway, fuck the God’s they only gave me one good thing, one good thing that could be taken at any moment.

I wondered why Sansa still hadn’t asked me about my scars, and how she never really looked at them apart from in a curious way. How could someone so pure and utterly innocent not want to know about such a thing? She knows nothing really of the world however wise she may think she seems, and I guessed that questions would be her motive. But nonetheless she keeps quiet.

Then I heard a small yawn, like a puppy waking up, Sansa fisted her eyes like a child and looked more like a child now than ever before. Vulnerable and unknowing, I knew I shouldn’t marry her. I knew it was a sin, but I love her and I could not think of a life where I would be better without her. She looked so young but so eager to rush ahead. Why would she want to marry an old man like me. She is a girl of ten and nine, I am of thirty and one. But she still wishes I have her.  
“Hello.” I hear her say suddenly as she realises where she is.

“I’m sorry sir I must have fallen asleep.” She gets up, and I’m confused about why she called me sir, so I walk quickly to her and snake an arm around her middle. Her hand plants itself on the door and she breathes quickly.

* * *

 

His other hand brushes away my hair. As his body presses against my back I lean slightly into him, so my head is next to Sandor’s. I could now feel him running his fingertips up my neck and I let out a held breath with anticipation, next he started to nudge his head to my neck, his hand, then his nose, replaced by his lips. I tried to move my arms but he held them to my sides, I was unable to move in the slightest way. Which excited me and made me more wanton, this was a first experience for me and I didn’t know what to expect.

He lay kisses all over my neck and licked in a few places, making me jolt. There was a feeling in the area just below my stomach that began to buzz and feel like it was twisting then unraveling, twisting, unraveling. It was the most pleasurable thing I had ever experienced, and I put my legs a little further apart under my dress. Longing for something, I didn’t know what. Suddenly Sandor’s hand slowly ran down my neck, chest, breasts, stomach, and… he had stopped where I had wanted it most.

Spreading my legs a little further, I could feel he was taking my weight, so I tried to lean forward a little but it was almost impossible considering. Pressing me through my dress I bit my lip, I didn’t know what was going on or why I felt like this, or why I would squirm as he pressed me. Then he lifted up my skirts. But I didn’t care as long as it didn’t stop. Suddenly I was shaking all over and clenching my fists as I jolted in sudden bursts and began to sweat a little more.

My mouth was open but I made only a sighing noise as he drew his hand away and I leant back on him. Panting I stayed with my back on his chest for a while. It felt like my veins were on fire and I couldn’t contain it. Staying like that for a few seconds I slowly turned and leant against his chest, putting my arms around his neck.

Sandor stared down at me and my mouth opened a little, I studied his face. But he suddenly pushed me away, forcing me into the door I hit the wood, hard, and turning he walking to the window.

“Why must everyone fucking look? Fuck this!” Putting my hand to my head I felt a wetness in my hair, on the back of my scalp, it was blood. Which didn’t blend well with my red hair, but you couldn’t see it too much. Standing up I approached Sandor and lay my hand on his bicep. He flinched and pulled it away but I persisted till he stopped moving, holding his arm and stroking it with my fingers.

“What did I do?” I muttered, wrapping my arms around his chest from behind him. Leaning my head on his back.

“You looked, you looked and you didn’t ask. You just stared. Like everyone else.” There was an undiscovered vulnerability that I had never seen in Sandor in his voice. He put his hands on my hands and held them close to him, like he needed to be held. Pressing my hands close to him I slowly came around to his front and he turned stony faced. Turning me around and going to the wound on my head.

“I did this, I hurt you. I promised I wouldn’t.” Sandor looked scared and still vulnerable. Causing me to pull his head to the crook of my neck and caressing his back with my hand tenderly.

“Its okay, your okay. Hush now.” I told him, smelling the scents of him as he shook in my arms.

* * *

Later on the day I was in the corridor and about to walk to the stairs when Mr Clegane came around the corner. I stopped and was about the speak but he took my arm and pulled me to a room that I recognized. His room. Closing and locking the door behind him. Cranking my neck I looked up at him my hair half pulled back lay on my shoulders. In the last morning light he looked even more daunting and intimidating than usual.

The sight of him in just a tunic and trousers sent a spark to the place below my stomach he had pressed earlier and I bit my lip. Laying my hand on his chest I took my fingers down to the waistband of his trousers, snaking my hands underneath the tunic my breath caught in my chest. Feeling the indents on his stomach I wanted to see him.

Latching my fingertips to the hem of his tunic I pulled it up and he hastily obliged throwing it to the floor, studying his chest I had to rearrange my skirt and suddenly Sandor went to back of my dress and unhooked one of the clasps. It fell loose on my corset.

I put my hands back and unhooked the other three, pulling it down so I was in my underdress and corset. It was his turn to study me, his eyes wandered down my figure and up to my face. But before that he put his hands on my waist pulling me toward him, very dearly close. Igniting a surprised noise from me.

Our faces were very close and nearly just touching, his face angled slightly toward me and my neck stretching so I could be in his eye line. I touched his cheek with one of my hands and was about to say something but I bit my lip. I knew that this wasn’t how it was meant to be and I stepped backward. Picking up my dress he walked toward me but I kept retreating as he came toward me till the cold stone hit my back and I flinched at the cold stone on my cold body.

“No.” I whispered as he tried to take the dress from my hands. Tightening my grip caused him to wrench it from my hands which made it rip at the waist. I let go of it and knelt down to tend the broken fabric glaring up at him. Gently I studied the damage it wasn’t to bad and I could cover it with my hand to get to my room. Getting changed back into my dress I stood far back from him.

“I don’t want to.” Was what I said as I ran out the door leaving it open.

* * *

I didn’t know why I still kept myself from doing what deep down I wanted to. But sinning was in my mind more than desire. Later on that week Loras Tyrell was visiting from Highgarden. He had not come with his sister on their last trip to the keep as his close friend Renly Baratheon had died and he was in deep mourning. That was about two months ago and I had never met nor seen Loras.

But as he climbed off his horse my eyebrows raised and I bit the inside of my cheek, just slightly adjusting my skirts, Sandor definitely saw and I regretted doing it almost immediately. But I could not help myself. Loras Tyrell was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on, and he wasn’t just attractive by the face but he was muscular and tall and broad shouldered and he smelled sweet and manly at the same time. I saw many a serving girl smile at him as he entered with Sandor, but he eyes were on me for most of his journey in.

Standing there for a few seconds I smiled and then took Shireen by the hand and excused myself from the situation. I thought that if I stayed out of his way nothing would happen, I was wrong. Apparently I had attracted the attention of the young gentleman, he had told miss Mordane who had told me. That he wanted to meet in the gardens. I excused myself from dinner early and went to go to the gardens. Walking outside I saw a blonde flash of hair walking through the rose bushes. At a quick pace I walked to catch up with him.

“Ah Miss Stark. You came, without any vengeance or want for murder I hope?” I shook my head smiling.

“No kind sir. I did not. But you humour me so, I wonder why you should call apon me for such an hour?” Striding toward me he stopped right in front of me, quite close.

“You quite caught my attention as the only young lady who didn’t swoon at the sight of me.” Smiling to myself I just thought. I was on the inside.

“Well, yes.”

“It all gets a bit boring to be honest. Every girl who looks at me is always just saying things such as. Oh Loras your so handsome, oh Loras be mine. I wish I could tell them that I shall not take a wife till I have finished with the world. But they dare not listen. Shall we sit.” He gestured to a wooden bench, below an arch. Sitting down I sat up straight and lay my hands on my dress. Loras sat next to me hunched over leaning on his knees.

“I’de like to be your friend Miss Stark. Considering you don’t seem to have any here, and without lessons your not exactly occupied. Besides, I don’t want to go back home so I must have some point in being here. So I wish to win your friendship.” Raising an eyebrow I stared at him with a bemused face.

“How old are you?” He asked.

“Nineteen. What about yourself?” I was a little offended at how surprised he looked.

“Really?” I nodded. “I thought you were older, but no. My mistake.”

“Your really succeeding in winning that friendship of mine.” Loras seemed too laugh a little and my back relaxed a little, he leant back onto the tall bush that was behind the bench and sighed.

“Do you ever think about how people think humans are so small and insignificant? But really, we’re not. We’re part of a vast web that connects us all and humans are just one string in the web. Any who, I don’t understand why people must compare humans to the rest of the world. There should be no comparison from two utterly different things.” A question like that doesn’t usually tamper with my brain. But that one sent me on a journey in my brain imaging every moment when I’ve thought such things.

“How is Mr Clegane to you? He’s been a friend of mine, for a while now but how does he treat a lady such as yourself?” I rolled my eyes, I’m not a lady. Nor will I ever be.

“He is pleasant. Kind if you will, he’s never been hurtful, hateful maybe but he’s never hurt me, and that’s what counts.” Loras nodded and looked up to the sky. The sky was turning purple with silver sparkles everywhere, silver stones shattering the sky.

“Join me miss Stark?” He put out his hand and stood up. Sansa took it and the ran around to the gardens behind the bench. Laying down on the grass and staring up at the sky.

“I hope you know, I do only want you friendship, nothing more than that. I’m not, on that page if you will, with women I mean, so you’ll never be in any situations like that with me.” Laughing a little I looked at Loras, then back up at the sky.

“Can I trust you Loras? I mean I’ve only just met you, which makes me more inclined to confide in you.” He nodded and I turned my head toward him again.

“Well, I, me and Mr Clegane, we. Wish. To. Be married, and he proposed to me not long ago in the godswood. I obviously accepted, but now I’m having a few second thoughts.” His eyebrows raised in dismay and he propped himself onto his elbows, but, he didn’t say anything, just lay back and clasped his hands on his stomach.

“I don’t think a man who hails never been married, should be allowed to question you on such accounts. But I believe you should not say anything as of present. But if he rushes you for the marriage, tell him you wish to be engaged a while longer before any joining of matrimony.” I nodded and sighed looked into the deep dark cascade of the sky.

“Thank you Loras.”

Our meetings such as these continued for almost three weeks, every day in the evening. I had not been asked about it yet, but I feared for much. One night. It was 2 weeks and five days into my meeting with Loras when I was walking through the house and near the stairs when I heard a noise behind me.

It was darker than usual, and I hugged myself, looking under the staircase I couldn’t see anything due to the darkness but as I approached the door, two hands grabbed me and covered my mouth. Taking me into a room. The figure kept their hand over my mouth in till the lit quite candle and showed their face. Phew, only Sandor. But he looked very much angry.

“You couldn’t wait, could you? You were head over heels in love with him, as soon as you saw him. I saw your face,it was the one you used look at me with.” He paused clenching his fist. “I knew it was too good to be true. But then I suppose I’m the first man you’ve seen so maybe it was inevitable.”

“What are you talking about?” I lay a hand on cheek and pulled up his bowed head.

“You and Loras, are lovers, you see him enough. You’ve basically shown me all the signs why deny it?” Biting my lip I wrapped my arms around Sandor’s neck and get up onto my tip toes kissing the ruined side of his face over and over. Before going to his good ear.

“He doesn’t like girls. So you don’t have to worry. He’s attractive, but I’m not attracted to him, I want you, you old dog however grumpy and paranoid you may be. I want you.” Kissing his face again I felt his hands slowly attach themselves to my waist.


	11. Chapter XI

Sansa lay next to Sandor on his bed staring up at the four poster. He was asleep and Sansa looked to the window at the morning light. Then to her dress on the floor, and down at herself, she was in her corset and bigger underskirts that were all puffy.

Pushing her hands on the fabric it seemed to deflate as it sank.

Getting up, Sansa walked to the window and sat on the cill. She looked to the hills, wishing, hoping. She couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than to run away from everything and everyone and just be silent and find her self purpose. Sansa felt bad for it, but she wanted it more than she wanted Sandor sometimes, freedom was something she thought he could give her.

Looking back to Sandor asleep on the bed she pulled her corset up and lay a thin hand on the white peeling paint of the window pane. He was sound asleep and she wouldn’t wake him. Looking outside Sansa saw the gardens, the thin curtains were drawn and she kept them as such, people had got to work in their daily jobs. She saw Shireen out with Eda. She's never usually up this early, she couldn’t figure out, why now?

All had been quiet for a few minutes so Sansa decided to sing.

 **“Come all you fair and tender girls. That flourish in your prime. Beware, beware, keep your garden fair. Let no man steal your thyme. Let no man steal your thyme.”** She sat with her back to Sandor and pulled her legs up close to her singing to the window.

 **“For when your thyme, it is past and gone. He'll care no more for you. And every place your time was waste. Will all spread over with rue. Will all spread over with rue.”** She slipped into the higher notes and kept her head still even on the low tones.

 **“The gardner son was standing by. Three flowers he gave to me. The pink, the blue and the violet true. And the red, red rosy tree. And the red, red rosy tree.”** Looking out the window she pulled the curtain back a bit to see Loras Tyrell walking out into the garden. Looking handsome as ever, he didn’t see Sansa but she saw him, Sansa knew she loved Sandor and that Loras would never be interested in her for a good reason.

**“But I refused the red rose bush. And gave the willow tree. That all the world may plainly see. How my love slighted me. How my love slighted me.”**

But she couldn’t help feeling when she saw him, his face was just so perfect, and he had a muscular body to top it. You could see when he wore the tighter clothes, the indents. But then Sandor’s rippling muscular body came into her mind and she couldn’t take it away, feeling the ache between her legs that he would usually help to release.

Sansa didn’t quite know what to do if she was honest.

Not hearing any sounds from the bed, Sansa turned around and Sandor was gone. She suddenly stood up and looked around walking toward the bed. Suddenly someone grabbed her ankle. Sansa let out a scream, the fingers on the hand where long and yellow and green, the hand pale with black blotches. Sandor burst in through a door, not the main one, another one. He saw Sansa and pulled her back with such a force the nails scratched her deeply and drew blood. But the stranger didn’t let go. Her hand snaked up Sansa’s leg and clung to her arm as she stood.

Her hair was white, tangled and pulled behind her head. She had sunken eyes and dark lips. Covered in only a nightmares, she had talons for fingers. Long nails to scratch with, her violet eyes spoke rage and anger.

* * *

It was her the woman of my nightmares, the knock on the door. She was real, she was no fantasy, I hadn’t imagined any of it-

Then my eyes opened I was sitting on the cill and Sandor was sitting in front of me.

“I liked that song.” He told me, and I realised the woman was once again a figment of my imagination. Rubbing my eyes they seemed wet from tears, crying in a dream. Trust me to do that.

Looking up to the ceiling I closed my eyes then buried my head in my hands. I wouldn’t speak even when Sandor tried to force me to lift my head up. I wouldn’t I kept my eyes shut and mouth closed. Tears were streaming down the sides of my face now. Everything was building up into a great ball of anxieties and I couldn’t cope with anymore of it.

When I looked up it wasn’t Sandor anymore, it was Loras Tyrell. He put out his hand and I took it, taking me to the bed his shirt was alreadly off as he pressed me to the bed I pushed my hands up his chest and held onto his shoulders as he came toward my face. He pressed his lips to mine and pressed his manhood up against me, making me make all sorts of noises I wasn’t accustomed to releasing.

I ran a hand over his back as his took of his trousers. Riding up my skirts he pulled my legs apart and I felt elated and aroused. Wondering what this feeling could be, utter insanity, mayhaps. He touched me where I felt an ache, a yearning for touch.

Applying my every want to the situation,  He even supplied my darkest desires such as ripping my clothes off my with strong hands, hulking over me in a possessive and aggressive way. His body started to move in and out of mine and I wrapped my legs around his back breathing out heavily and closing my eyes and I hugged him to me. I couldn’t see, it could be anyone whoever I wanted but the smell of flowers didn’t go away, I made the movements rhythmic and moved my body in time with his.

I suddenly inwardly breathed and my steady breaths hitched ending with a hiss and sending my eyes to fly open with my mouth, he was going so fast now I didn’t even try to keep up. It was to much to handle and I -

“Sansa, wake up, wake up.” My eyes fluttered open and I was looking up at a four poster I looked to my right and there he was, Sandor Clegane. The one to be my future husband, who scared away the nasty things and kept me safe. I turned toward him and clutched him tightly, I wouldn’t let go of his chest. I felt ashamed and unworthy of him, I have to tell him.

“Sansa what’s wrong.” I had begun to cry.

“I am unworthy, ashamed, don’t even think about me, I don’t deserve you.” He was silent and that made me more worried I didn’t look at his face but I dried my tears on his shirt.

“I had a dream that someone was with me, in the most intimate way. But.” I stopped talking.

“But?”

“But it wasn’t you. It was Loras and I don’t understand why it was him. l'm sorry I'm so confused I just needed to tell you.” I let go of Sandor sat up, and turned my back to him my spine stuck out as I hung over my knees sniveling with shame. I didn’t want to see the hate for me on his face.

“Little Bird. Don’t be ashamed. I did the same to you, and much worse. Or do you not remember when I told you how I dishonored you?”

“You talk about me like I’m your lady love, like I have lots to loose if we are found out. I don’t..my family is dead I have almost next to none in regards of friends. You are all I have to loose, that is why it means so much that a dream like that would be conjured, you have more to loose than I will in my whole life.” I refused to turn and crawled to the end of the bed and sat on it picking up my dress I slipped it on and cried as I did.

There were still the buttons to do at the front on the neck but I hadn’t done them yet. I could feel someone behind me but I didn't turn, he got close to me and I leant on his chest.

"Sing." He whispered I didn't do anything.

"Sing." Sandor growled, I felt almost scared at that.

**" Once I had a sprig of thyme. It grew by night and by day, 'Til a false young man came a-courting to me, And he stole all my thyme away.**

**Thyme, it is a precious thing, And thyme it will grow on, And thyme it will bring all things to an end, And so does my thyme grow on."** I licked my lips and carried on.

**"Once I had a sprig of thyme, It grew by night and by day, 'Til a false young man came a-courting to me, And he stole all my thyme away.**

**The gardener was standing by, I bid him choose for me, He chose me the lily, aye the violet and the pink, Ah but surely I refused them all three."** I looked forward at the harth and didn't want to look up at him. Not seeming to be able to face him.

 **"Once I had a sprig of thyme, It grew by night and by day, 'Til a false young man came a-courting to me, And he stole all my thyme away."** Tears began to stream down my face as I thought of the

 **"And it's very well a-drinking ale, And it's nice just to have a drop of wine, Ah but I like sitting by the young man's side, That's gained this heart of mine."** I was struggling to sing now, the tears overcoming me. I could feel the grip on my waist tighten but I made no attempt to stop him.

 **" Once I had a sprig of thyme, It grew by night and by day, 'Til a false young man came a-courting to men-"** I stopped for a moment as I wiped my eyes and tried to keep the little pride I had.

 **"And he stole, all my thyme, away."** I tried to wrench free of he iron grasp on my waist but he was too strong for me. I didn't want to live anymore, I didn't want to have desires that shouldn't be there.

Suddenly he wrenched me around and looked into my eyes. I thought he might hurt me. Beat me like Joffrey did so I closed my eyes. Wincing a little as I expected a hard slap. But none came.

"Little bird, what are you doing?" He seemed to mock me, and I didn't blame him. I had been wincing for the last few seconds, for nothing...

"I thought you would." I trailed off.

"Thought I would do what?"

"Punish me." I opened my eyes and stared deep into his.

"Why would you think I would do that?" If I was honest. I didn't really have a reason to have acted, as I did.

"Because, that's what I grew up with. I thought... Nevermind." I looked down, ashamed once again. But Sandor took hold of my chin and brought my hazy eyeline up.

"Dont think like that. Please, for my sake just don't." I put both my hands on his cheeks and went onto my tip toes so we were level. Leaning my head toward him our lips joined and he pulled me closer to him with arms wrapped around me.

Drawing away for a second I leant my head on Sandors chest and held on tight a around his middle.

"It was a dream in a dream, all of it fiction I don't know why I thought so much of it." Sandor stroked my head as I cried, still not knowing why I was tearful.

* * *

A week later, I was teaching Shireen English. She was getting good at her writing now, not so much her speaking.

There was a knock on the door and Sandor walked in beckoning me. I left Shireen with a book to try and translate, and walked to Sandor.

"I need to ask you something?" I nodded and smiled at the sight of Shireen biting her pencil in thought.

"Do you want to come to London with me?" Stunned to silence I pulled Sandor out of the room.

"What are you talking about."

"I'm talking about us going somewhere, alone. So maybe I can top Loras Tyrell in the dreams department." I frowned a shook my head. But I did want to go.

"Mayhaps. But what else would we do there aside, from, that?" Not wanting to say the exact phrase, I blushed a little and smiled bowing my head, but Sandor pulled it up.

"I'll have you alright. But do we need a thing else besides one another, and it's London, you've never been to a city have you?" Shaking my head I could see him smile and he rested his fist on the doorframe, before leaning over me. Like he was dominant.

He looked from one end of the hall to the other seeing it was clear he clutched Sansa's arm. Pulling he to him leaving her hands resting on his chest.

"You'll let me take you, won't you?" I nodded.

"I'll make it a long intense feeling you know. All for you." My breathing was fast and my chest rose and fell at a quick pace. Then he leant down and kissed me with such a force, it sent me against the wall with a thump. He leant into me and pushed himself against me, grinding slightly on my intimate place.

Sandor looked from each end of the hall again, and then ran both hands over my breasts. Every place he touched left a shivering sensation. Suddenly he stopped and I stood straight. Thank the Gods we did because Loras Tyrell walked behind us.

" Oh no. Don't stop for me, carry on in a bedroom." Sandor glared at him.

"Come on, you don't think I'm as stupid as the others right?" I shrugged and Sandor nodded. Huffing, Loras ran off somewhere.

"So you'll come?" Sandor asked, still seeming a little bit vulnerable.

"Yes, of course I will, when?" He grinned.

"Now. Go tell Shireen classes are finished for the week and go pack a bag." Pressing his lips to mine for a longer time, lingering .He suddenly pulled back and smiled, walking off back down the stairs.

As I told Shireen that there would be no more lessons, I ran to my room on the other side of the keep. 

Grabbing the luggage case I had used on my transportation here. I packed, a hairbrush, hair pins and a ribbon, three dresses, my shawl, my muff, and my lip colourer. You may call me vein for it, but the first thing I bought with my first salary was a product to cover my, doubts. I know it may be an act considered strange of a feminist, of such. But I couldn't help but want to feel beautiful, which was what I felt when I had it on. 

Stepping out onto the landing and holding my case, I leant over the banister and saw Sandor at the bottom of the stairs. Running across the landing and down the stairs I dropped my case and flung myself into his arms. Wrapping my arms around him so overcome with excitement. 

As we walked out to the courtyard, there was a black and gold lined carriage, and when our luggage was stored a top of it. We climbed in. Sandor took the side that wasn't facing the road and I sat opposite him. We drew the curtains on the carriage windows and as soon as the carriage was moving, he pulled me into his lap.

 

[Let No Man Steal Your Thyme](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MQiVAUqI66w)


	12. Chapter XII

A bump jolted me back from my sleep. A small pothole that sent my side of the carriage up in the air. I was still perched apon Sandors legs, which could have been precarious were he not holding me tightly around the waist and looking into my eyes. Running a hand along his stomach I felt his muscles and breathed slower. Not wanting to look up at Sandor, I kept my eyes at his stomach. Wrapping an arm around his middle I buried my head in his shoulder and nuzzled at his neck.

After a few minutes, I realised something. It was all great, being Sandor fiance, we cared for each other. But, he had never told me where he got his scars from. I could remember, he had told me he would tell he one day, and that it was, a tale for another day as such. But when would that other day be.

"Sandor." I finally spoke up, he grunted.

"Now that, we will be married. There's to be no secrets between us, yes?" Looking up at him, I saw his tired expression and to his great protest and pulling, I sat on the bench opposite him. He leant over his knees, his head  
down, looking at the floor.

'What do you want?" He sounded so exasperated and angry that I was almost afraid to ask.

"What do you want!" He roared. My heart beat fast and I pulled my knees up to my chest and went to the other corner of the bench. There was no noise from him or me for some time, I buried my head in my knees and folded my arms above my head, hiding me. I didn't know it would set him off like it did, maybe he took it the wrong way, or maybe he knew exactly what I wanted to ask. He probably did didn't he, oh God. Well if I speak now he'll just yell at me and I don't want that, I don't think I should talk to him at all till this journey. This might be tedious.

Time went by and I kept my head on my knees, to scared to look at my fiance, I felt stupid and couldn't understand why I couldn't look at the man I cared about most in the world. Being younger, I thought that could have some say in it, but how that could affect my not being able to look at him is a mystery. To be honest, it didn't, myself being younger should have no affect on my cowardice. But I needed something to blame, or someone. I guess I could just blame myself.

It was only when, almost 6 hours mayhaps, of no talking, the carriage came to a stop. I picked my head up from my knees, to see Sandor staring at me, intently. I couldn't judge his expression, it was unreadable wether he was angry or not. Drying my eyes, I straightened out my bun and then the driver opened the door. Sandor stepped out first then waited for me as I stepped down the small step. Looking around me. I was in in London. A city. A big, big city. I had never been anywhere aside from the countryside and this was great. Sandor walked toward one of the buildings and I followed him, close on his heel. Walking through the golden doors, with a great sign saying, the metropolis, there were many people in it. Though it was quiet, there was a desk with a man standing behind it, who smiled at Sandor. But I knew he wouldn't take to it well.

While I was daydreaming and looking around, Sandor was speaking to the man who then gave him a key, my fiance walked around a corner and then up a flight of stairs, then another, till he went through another set of doors and arrived at a corridor of many white and gold trimmed doors. Walking up to one of them, he opened it with the key, opening it, I walked in slowly, and was taken aback. It was a double bed, with an en-suite bathroom and a desk, a wardrobe and a large window with a veranda. Taking off my coat and that, I hung them on a peg near me, walking around the room I smiled looking back at Sandor. He just looked angry and sad, like he always did. I closed the door and then took his overcoat off him.

Running my hands along his back and on top of their shoulders I leant on his back, with my hands just reaching to his chest. Sandor made no movement, but I saw him clench his fists, before the eruption the happened next. Wrenching my arms off his he pushed me away and then ran his hand through his hair, he was angry and nervous.

I tried to find my balance but backed up against a wall, then to be met by Sandor's eager lips and hands all over me, I was first intoxicated by the sensation. But I soon realised it was wrong and that I didn't like what he was trying to do, so I tried with all my might to push him away but he was unlacing his breeches and I grew scared, like a pig when it realises it's for the slaughter. I squealed and struggled and pushed and kicked till he stopped and just leant his hands on the wall above my head and breathed out, slow and breathless.

I didn't cry, I wasn't sure how to describe it, I didn't feel scared or worried but I felt ill at ease. Something wasn't right with Sandor and i didn't know what it was but i knew I would find out, somehow. He then walked away from me, and i knew then, I knew I wanted to leave. He was angry, I could understand that much. I had done something to anger hik, i didn't know what.

Quietly and slowly I got my coat and hat on, and went out of the room. Closing my eyes for a second, I breathed in and out before walking down the corridor, down the two flights of stairs, through the good doors and out to the coach house. I saw our coachman and he saw my tears and opened the door to the carriage. He got on top of the carriage and sent the horses into motion. As the horses pulled out onto the road, they suddenly stopped and I heard shouting. Sandor.

"Stop right now and go to the fucking coach house!" He yelled. The carriage turned around and headed back where it started. I stayed in the carriage, and when the door opened, I covered my face defenseless. But no one struck me, I thought it was normal for a man to strike his to be wife or wife. Pulling my hands from my face, I saw Sandor sitting there in front of me, stern and angry as usual. But there was fear now as he looked at me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked a question like that, of course you may have your secrets. It was rude of me to think you should have to tell me-"

"No. You have nothing to be sorry for.. I was a cruel good for nothing man, who can't see that, however hard it may be to believe, you want me. I apologize. I'm sorry." I decided not to apologize anymore, and i kept silent for a few minutes till I could see he was still staring at me with that rage.

"Sandor, I know you want secrets, but please tell me if it is me that has angered you in some way. Please tell me if it is my fault and I will make it right." Sandor looked down at the floor and didn't speak until I opened my mouth too.

"It's not you Little Bird. Your too pure to do anything wrong. No, it is by spite and memory I am angered. Take no pity in the sorrows of idiotic thinkers, it shall get you no where in life." I took that advice and remembered it, it seemed to be an important thing.

"We'll go out this evening and you'll have fun. There's a grand dinner party, at one of the Lord's houses here. A grand house, very large. You'll love it, and I'll but you whatever dress you want. Or anything." I gave a small smile to Sandor as we returned to the coach house.

Going out an hour later, we visited the tailors and I got a dark blue satin silk dress which was bare on the neck and shoulders. It was trimmed with white lace at the top and bottom, the sleeves were cut short and the top of the dress was folded over at the top. I got white silk gloves and smother them under my palms, the cold smooth fabric felt as soft as skin. But kept my simple black boot shoes on. Sandor also said I could buy any jewelry I wanted, but the only one I wanted, was a small pearl necklace, plain and small like me. I felt spoiled if I was honest, I wasn't sure wether I liked it. It had never happened before, I was surprised when I got my first wage, so this was amazing.

So sure enough that night, I got changed with the help of a maid, into my brand new blue party dress. Styling my hair into a pretty, wavy mess of pins and flowers. I met Sandor in the lobby of the hotel and he was dressed in a fine suit, black tie. He looked pleased, and surprised when he saw me.

"I never knew a woman could look more beautiful." He whispered to me and then I took his arm as we stepped into the carriage outside on the curb. I sat opposite Sandor and kept the curtains pulled to hide the surprise that awaited me. I kept quiet for the majority of the journey till the carriage came to a stop and I heard lots of talking outside the carriage.

The door to the carriage was opened and Sandor got out quickly holding out his hand, I took it and stepped out into the open. The ground below my feet was wet cobblestone and I held up my dress but not so much that people could see my shoes, they have enough to judge me for alreadly.

Following Sandor we walked in through the great doors, that were opened by two doormen. The house was grander and more beautiful than Clegane keep house. It was filled with white and gold marble and mahogany staircases and flowers of such arrays I had never seen in the red keep.

I was fascinated until the reality of where we were hit me. The summer rose Tyrell was here and Loras. Loras saw us and walked straight over to me with Margaery. I smiled at them and clenched my fists at my sides.

"Fancy seeing the newly weds here I didnt-"

"Were not married, were still engaged, as if you'd care." I suddenly blurted out. Then I bit my lip and Loras hid a smile. Margaery was silent and I didn't even want to look at Sandor.

"Sansa, come look at this.... flower...arrangement with me..." Loras said, I quickly followed him to another part of the great room. He pulled me into a room not being used and then laughed loudly, smiling, as he laughed his curls bounced and I found it hard not to myself.

"What was that?! That was out of no where. Oh God. I'm writing down what you said, what was it. Were engaged thank you very much like you'd care, so stick that up your arse." Loras carried on laughing and then I giggled a little.

"I can't believe I just said that, and Sandor was right there, he's going to hate me. Him and Margaery are, friends...." I sunk down onto the chair near me, and Loras sat opposite me. He stopped laughing and smiled encouragingly at me.

"Do you seriously think he would ever be angry at you. He would never be truly angry at you, Sandor is a tough nut to crack. But you have got through the layers into his very core and he can't be rid of you now. You mean more to him than anything he has ever done in his life, don't forget that ever." I looked down at my hands and clasped them, putting on a smile and brushing back my hair.

"Put on a fake smile, make some friends, they don't have to be real ones, make connections that could help you.  
People will be interested in the story of the governess that seduced her employer and so on."

"But that didn't happen!" I exclaimed.

"So what, you think these people are my families friends, do you think I care about anyone in that room, aside from you and Sandor? No I couldn't give a shit if they died, truly I wouldn't care. People here have no real friends, no real love there, you are the purest soul in that room. Use it to your advantage, you may be the only woman in that room that loves her fiance. Money, power and influence are the three main values these people uphold and stick to. They have no shame and will find a story like yours interesting. Now go back out there, find your fiance, and use it like it's your last weapon on earth you have. " I stood up and looked to the door that we came through.

"Best to use the other door, then I'll go the back way. Don't want any questions being asked." I nodded and opening the door I searched floor Sandor in the crowd and walked to where most of the whisky drinking old men were, and sure enough I could see my whisky drinking hound sitting in an armchair, drowning his feelings. He saw me and offered the flask, I took a swig of the stuff and willed myself not to cough. Sandor grinned and stood. I liked that he towered over me for some reason. It seemed to comfort me, that he could protect me.

Many couples had begun to waltz around the large space in the middle of the house. I wanted so desperately to dance but knew first if all, I didn't know how to and that I didn't want to dance a slow dance. I wanted it to be fast and energetic. I could remember back at the Red Keep, me and Jeyne used to dance around hand in hand, when the teachers and the sisters weren't near. It was some fun in the bleakest of times.

I looked at Sandor and he looked very sternly at me, meaning a firm no. My shoulders dropped and I was suddenly very down and annoyed with him, he wouldn't even try and who would care if he did something wrong, or stepped on his foot. The stranger would be the only one to witness and even he would give no thought to it, so why did he care so much. I looked at Loras and he smiled coming over.

"Follow me." He told Sansa and Sandor. Sansa eagerly scampered along after him like an over excited puppy. Sandor growled and didn't follow. But Loras welcomed Sansa into another dining room, where there was only a screen separating them and the dancers.

"Take my hand, then put the other on on my shoulder, we're not doing a waltz I tell you now." He suddenly twirled Sansa around and she smiled and she turned then suddenly Loras held her hand and the other one went to her waist before he started running around the room. Pulling her arm up and down in time woth the music, they sidestepped in time with each other. Mocking the other dancers, it was fun for her, mad she appreciated that Loras was here with her. When they finally sat down Sansa was breathing heavily, Loras pushed the wine over to her and she took a small sip, it was sweet, nothing like what Sandor smelled of.

"Why does he refuse to, bond with me in different ways?" Sansa asked Loras, with a worried face.

"He isn't, accustomed to this sort of attention from a woman, he's used to being alone and not having to try hard for another person, he has female friends that he can insult easily, but he can't really with you. It's easier for him to insult than flatter. I don't think he really gets relationships yet." Shewas confused.

"If he doesn't understand relationships yet, why is he marrying me?" Loras sat up in his chair and put up a hand.

"Sandor still loves you, you know. Just because he doesn't know how to deal with it, doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, don't question that. It's not fair." Sansa looked down at my hands in shame and felt an idiot, how could she think such things about him, such terrible things. It wasn't right.

"I'm not interrupting am I?" Sansa heard the familiar sound of Sandor's voice and Loras stood up.

"Well, there's my queue. Ill see you both sides some point. Nor fucking on the table." He warned and I blushed, by Sandor just chuckled shaking his head and smiling. Once Loras had left, Sandor sat on a seat next to me and looked into my eyes.

"I'm sorry if, I am ever cruel to you. You don't deserve it and it's not fair. You have done no wrong in this world and I have done so much that I believe you may help me sid those wrong doings." Smiling sadly Sansa took Sandor's hands and held them tight.

"You have never wronged me, and that is what shall be your mindset from here on. You must not be the negative person you are in this world. It shall do you no good, and the Gods do not appreciate it." He laughed and kept his eyes on me.

"Gods, you believe in that story?"

"I don't believe many stories, but I've been through a certain amount of hell to find you, and through that I have prayed very day to God. In my eyes, if Mrs Mordane had not been a true Christian she never would have seen my advertisement, I never would have been welcome at Clegane keep. Meaning I would never have met Shireen I would never know Sandor Clegane, I would never have met you, and because of that I feel inclined to thank the Gods that I have so much. I am so blessed with all I could ask for in the world." Throughout this speech, Sandor had kept his eyes on me, they slowly softened as I spoke and he took my hand. Staring into his eyes I couldn't take it anymore, and just began to cry. At first Sandor made no movement, then he tried to open my eyes and then lift up my head. But I kept my head in my hands and cried. Not loud enough for people outside the room to hear me, but loud enough to annoy Sandor. He wrenched his hands from my wrists and stood up, walking to another side to the room.

I didn't even know why, I didn't get it, but I looked up and then walked to him, wrapping my arms around his stomach and leaning on his back.

"You confuse me old man, you say you care about me and then get so angry I'm sometimes afraid that...." He looked round at me.

"Afraid, I'll what?" He snapped back at me.

"There we are again, I say one thing and it sets you off! What have i done? Hey! What have I fucking done? Nothing, thats right nothing, I have done everything I thought might make you happy and of course you apologise afterward, but straight after you yell at me again. Maybe it's me, and even if it isnt, thats who I've been blaming these last few weeks, am I not the fiance you hoped for am I not giving you everything you need. Tell me!" Sandor's eyes were filled with rage.

"Why must all the fucking sympathy be on you?! Do you ever think about the fact that I hate that you shrink into a corner any time I raise my voice at you! I hate that you can't bear to look at me sometimes and that in know I'm not good enough for you, and I sometimes wonder why you care about me. Do you understand how horrible that-"

"Shut up, just shut up! Do you even understand how confused I was when you showed me affection? Your a Ser, you have a keep you have lands, I'm a nobody with no family and no money, nobody had ever showed me affection, think about it. First nobody on earth liked me, aprt from one girl who died soon after I knew her, then I come to Clegane Keep and you, you, you show me such kindness. I dreamt about you and thought about you, and then you care for me and I..." I stopped talking, I didn't want to tell him I grew silent and looked at the floor.

"What! Why do you keep on trailing off before you finish. What were you afraid of, and what were you about to say, or can you not spit out the-"

"I was afraid of you! I've been afraid of you at some points. But guess what, I don't care, I couldn't care less because. I love you, I've loved you for such a long while, I can't keep saying I care about you, when it's more than that." Sandor didn't say anything and it unnerved me.

"Well. Say something!" I pushed him slightly, before waiting a few minutes in silence. I turned and walked quickly away from Sandor, walking outside the back I went up some stone steps and onto a balcony. Looking out onto London, it didn't make me happy to see all the lights or the bright bright moon in the dark sky, it just made me sad. Even the moon gets to stand out with a statement. While I should just keep my mouth shut.

After almost an hour, I thought I should maybe go inside, but then I knew i had no where to go, so I sat down on a stone bench and hugged my arms, frozen to the bone. Then a jacket was put over me, Sandor. But it wasn't him, it was Loras. I smiled sadly, I was happy to see him if I was honest.

"What happened back in that room? Sandor looks really angry." A tear fell onto my cheek.

"I told him I loved him, and now I've ruined things between us. Why cant i just keep my mouth shut, in so stupid it's ridiculous. I've messed everything up. I said I loved him, but he didn't say anything, Loras, he wouldn't even look at me and I pushed him to far. It wasn't fair." Loras put an arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"If you think Sandor hates you, then you are being stupid. I'm not trying to offend you, I want you to understand that Sandor is a foolish, confused twat of a man that thinks he's so lucky to have you, that you'll fly away from him out of his grasp. He's a very sentimental and course man, but you often don't see the first to much, and people judge him on it. So the fact you just told him you love him is saying to him, everyone hates me, but Sansa is the only exception. That means a lot to a man who only has about three friends in this world." I was taking it all in and I now had a rough understanding of what Loras meant, Sandor was a troubled man with few friends and no lovers he had me which is apparently good and he doesn't want to loose me. But a statement like the one I made is hardly fair when he can't deal with emotions very well.

"Loras, can you go find Sandor please, and ask him to come out here?" She looked at him, and nodding Loras pulled his jacket off me and went off in search of my hound.

The waited and waited, the goosebumps formed on my skin and I felt to cold to get up, so there I stayed. Calling him mine was nice, even if it wasn't completely true. After another half of an hour, another jacket was place over my shoulders, this time I recognised the smell as he sat down I smiled up at him. He started down at me with a frown but I still didn't care. I leant against his arm and held his hand in mine. For these few moments of solitude, I was happy and peaceful, with no one bothering us. I liked it.

"Little bird." I heard him rasp. I looked up, he held my head in his hands.

"I..." He was going to.say it, he's going to tell me! Sandor's hands withdrew themselves from my face.

"I want to marry you as soon as we get back home." It was good enough for me.

"Yes my love." I rested my right hand on his face and reaching up I kissed the great beast, deeply, it meant something to us.

The rest of the evening was not to eventful, but it did consist of Sandor and I watching the people in the party through a curtain, while I sat perched on Sandor's lap feeding him food. We made fun of everything that people were doing and it was fun, I could understand envelope did it. Wrapping my arms around his neck I leant on his chest and played with his black bow tie.

"So I've alreadly asked Loras, do you want to go find a bedroom to ourselves, so we can be alone in private." The sentence put me on edge a little, but I nodded. We stood up and I took his hand, he lead me through the many dancers, and then suddenly Sandor stopped with the dancers and began to lift me up and then join hands with me and put his other on my waist as we twirled in and out of people. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love for this man, he learnt to dance for me. We carried on for that dance and at the end I smiled up at him, and the dancers dispersed, but i kept hold of Sandor's hand.

A woman walked past us and smirked, others giggled or laughed openly, they whispered things that I just caught the earshot of. "The Hounds bitch. The Hounds whore. Seduced. She doesn't love him. Servant, to his wife, sususpicious if you ask me. All of these actions, words and phrases shouldn't hurt me, but they did and it all didn't seem so fun anymore. Everyone was in the main large hall now as Margaery made a toast to people. When I heard her mention Sandor I wasn't surprised, but hen everyone looked at me.

"I have been friends with a great man for the past few years now, and i have had the displeasure of all of his mood swings and terrible behavior and manners , but I can't think of a better woman to join him in matromony. I met Sansa Stark a couple of months ago, and i can't say she took a liking to me. I dont blame her really, but i hope I can wish you both a happy life, and give Sansa my blessings. I really am very happy you are going to be joined. To the to be weds." Margaery raised her glass and everyone clapped as she smiled at me. I raised my glass at her and smiled back.

But that was yesterday, and now I stand here in a plain white dress and veil, standing next to the man I am to marry.

"THERE IS AN IMPEDIMENT!"

[Picset, follow me on tumblr](http://sansasandorshipper.tumblr.com/post/132112313115/chapter-twelve-of-i-want-to-break-the-cage)


	13. Chapter XII

"THERE IS AN IMPEDIMENT!" My first reaction was to look at Sandor, but his expression seemed unchanged.

"Carry on with the service." He growled at the priest.

"I cannot without some further examination of the-"

"Carry on with the service, God damn you!" I held his hand in my own, but I turned around and stood in front of Sandor.

"On what grounds are your claim?" I calmly asked, my voice splitting the silence like a knife.

"On the grounds that Mr Clegane is and has been married for a good few years now. To Daenerys Targaryen, in the capital city of Jamaica, here is a copy of the documents that bind them." My voice caught in my throat and I let go of Sandor's hand.

"I was married. But where is your proof of her? Can you provide evidence she is living?" The man, who I assumed was a lawyer, smiled a weedy and untrusting smile as a white haired man walked into the church. It was him, the man that had been attack all those nights ago at Clegane keep. Then without any warning Sandor strided forward and took the man by his neck and practically strangling him, Sandor pressed him into a wall.

"You had to didn't you. It was to bloody hard for you to let me have anything you ungrateful cow. Well say your part and hide behind your lawyers legs because I might as well be dead anyways." The priest and the lawyer were trying to pull Sandor off the man but he only came off after a couple of seconds, going to sit down on one of the benches. He put his head in his hands and I gripped my bunch of lavender and white roses tightly.

"My sister still lives at Clegane Keep. I saw her there last year, she attacked me, but she is still living. Still your wife Clegane, no matter how you try for another. " I looked at Sandor, taken aback and shocked that all this time he had been lying to me.

"Stop, stop. Yes, It's true. I have a wife." Standing up he slammed his fist against the wood of the bench.

"Please this is a place of worship!" The priest yelled.

"Yes, I'm, I'm sorry. All of you, come with me. Meet my wife." He took my hand and I had to run to keep up with him as I still held my bouquet in the other hand. He dragged me up the hill toward the keep, and we walked onto the courtyard where I could see the staff and Shireen there to congratulate the 'Happy Couple'. They begin to throw flowers and confetti over us and yelling congratulations.

"Who needs your congratulations? Not me. Your twelve years too late." Pulling me up a great twisty staircase and another leading up to a door covered by a curtain, a woman was sitting down outside the door. She stood up immediately and unlocked the door. As we walked in I saw white hair. White matted hair, full of tangles and leaves. It was her, I knew it. I stood stock still and Sandor tried to keep hold of my hand but I pulled mine away.

"I'll introduce you too my wife. Daenerys Targaryen." He didn't or couldn't look at me and I refused to look his way. She turned as her name was said and cocked her head to the left smiling, then she ran forward and hugged Sandor right after she spat at my feet. I still gripped the bouquet and she wrenched it out of my hand and threw it at my face, I staggered backward and held a hand to my face that was now bleeding from the small cuts the thorns had made.

Sandor made a slight movement toward me and suddenly the woman's actions changed as she started to scream and yell and beat at Sandor's cheat and scratch his face, Sandor tried to get her under control, but she wrenched free of his grasp and she ran around the room, and suddenly came at me. Scratching my face and kicking and punching me. It was enough to send me to the ground, I doubled over as my wedding dress and veil fell about me on the floor. She was pulled away by Sandor and the woman, who then tied her to a chair quickly so she couldn't move. Viserys Targaryen helped me to my feet and I walked out the room and waited in the hall for what might happen next.

The door was shut and Sandor stood with his back to me, Mr Targaryen and the lawyer. As he turned he breathed out heavily.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation. " He adressed the whole group.

"Twelve years ago I was a young man. I had no real cares or commitment as my brother, father, sister and mother were all either dead or missing. I always liked a woman with peculiar hair colours and pale skin, and Viserys must have known this. As him and his father lured me in to flirt with Daenerys. I complied as a young man with lust in his heart would do with a pretty girl. Then before I knew it, I had proposed within a month and was married the week after, still in Jamaica. But it was all a scam, she hadn't shown her true colours and it was only when we were settled that she showed me them. Rages, anger, violence, she nearly stabbed me once. But I'de never use violence on her. Maybe I would lock her in a room to give her time to calm down, but I never harmed her.

I brought her back to England to Clegane Keep. Only a few knew of my marriage and even then they were sworn to secrecy on the matter. I tried to deal with her, but I couldn't. I employed Irri, to look after her and tend to her every need and keep her under control. I would go away for long lengths of time because I didn't want to stay at home and be near her. It was selfish , there is no doubt, but I couldn't stand the reminder that I had an insane wife at home and just was bound to her for life. So I advertised myself as a wealthy bachelor. Lots of women wanted the wealthy man they heard of, then they saw me and lost interest.

So I came home and what was awaiting me? A woman who had as much bewitched me as she did my horse. A  
purity in all this hell. How could I not love her as I do? I love this strange, small being that I am twinned with. She reflects every inch of my being, and I can't part from her now. I knew that I couldn't, and that she would escape my every loosening grip on her, so I knew I must marry her quick before my every impending fate was to fall apon me. I tried to ignore it, pretending it wasn't there. But fate will always catch up with you, in my case, I am doomed to a life of pity and misery, more so than I alreadly was. As I cannot marry her, the most beautiful, the most level headed woman I shall ever know." Tears streamed down my face and I looked straight at Sandor before running down the spiral stairs and through the corridors. Yanking off my veil I dropped it too the floor, the sound of Sandor's running and shouting behind me.

Then the world slowed, it was just me and him running, I headed for my room, wrenching open the door I leant against it and locked it. He began to shout and rap on the door hurriedly. He was yelling apologies but I just leant up against the door and cried. Then Sandor was quiet and I swore I heard him sniff and let out a small cry.

"I'm sorry. I'm, I'm sorry. Please. I can't be without you. Don't make it so. Let me be with you as friends, we could be friends couldn't we Sansa? I can't lose you. I would rather die than lose you." Standing up I unhooked the clasp on my dress and slipped it off my shoulders, folding it and leaning it on the bed. I stepped into my normal grey day dress. Walking to the table, I lay the dress back into its box and folded the tissue paper over the top. Taking off my shoes I lay them into their box to and put the lid over them. Laying one on top of the other I walked to the door, where Sandor was still making apologies on the other side. I just opened the door and walked past him.

There was a chair outside my room, and I put the boxes there before turning and walking past Sandor to get to my room, he stopped me from going in and went in before he pulled me with him. Pressed me against the closed door, he looked at me with glassy eyes and a distressed expression on his face.

"Look at me now. Look at me and tell me you won't leave me. Please." He sounded more defeated than ever, more than the last time I nearly left. More defeated than anyone ever could. Just looking into my eyes and nearly crying.

"I can't." Was all I said. But it was enough to make him fall to the floor, gripping at my skirts and leaning on my dress.

"Tell me you don't love me. Tell me, and I'll let you leave!" I could not, and it was now I knew I loved him, it was too hard to leave now.

“I can’t.” Were the words I choked out as I closed my eyes and wished for the nightmare to end.

“Then let me have you! Let me..." He trailed off and looked down. Walking away from me he sat on my bed, hunched over his knees with his head down. I thought he might be crying. Slowly I edged toward him and climbed onto the bed behind him. Wrapping my arms around his stomach I leant my head on his back and held him tightly as he cried. It seemed I was holding him for hours until the fast breathing and the silent tears stopped.

"I'm sorry. But I couldn't stay as your mistress." Sandor lifted his head and turned around to face me, I pulled my arms away and sat back on my heels. There was a moment of tranquility, when all was silent and we just looked at each other in utter sadness and my head fell. Then Sandor stood up and left. I suspected some cry to the lord or have a fit of anger. But he just stood up, opened the door and left. Falling back onto my bed I lay on my pillows and slept.

As I woke up, it was early morning perhaps 6.a.m. Standing up I walked to the foot of my bed and pulled out the content underneath it. Laying my case gently on the bed I slowly and packed all of my belongings into the small case i came with.

I wanted to be okay with it, I wanted to be able to stay and be a mistress. But, I knew that I would never fully consent to it, and how could I live like that for the rest of my days. Perhaps it's what I deserve from the Gods, maybe all the wrong in my life as come to meeting this man.

Staying in my room with the door locked. I didn't eat or drink, I slept and tried to figure out what I was going to do. It was only at almost 10.p.m that I had a need for some water. Opening my door cautiosly, I saw a sleeping Sandor in the corridor. But he suddenly awoke at the sound of my movement, standing up and not half running toward me.  
Trying to move past him, I felt suddenky week and went limp at the knees.

"I just need some water." I muttered almost silently. Sandor quickly put down the candle and blew it out before picking me up with ease and carrying ke down the stairs. I awoke from the hazy state in front of a fire in the drawing room. Sandor was kneeling in front of me and handed me a glass. I took it and looked own at the clear liquid before downing the whole glass.

"How are you now?" Sandor asked he tried to put a hand to my face but I shuddered away from his grasp, and he stood up with a hand on his face.

"Do you hate me?" He asked.

"No." My answer was truthful. How could I hate him?

"Do you love me?" I couldn't answer. I looked to the floor then back at him, nodding my head slightly.

"Then the essential things are the same. Be my wife, Daenerys Targaryen means nothing to me, she is a fragment in my brain, while you are a whole window to my mind. I love you, i love you Sansa." Shocked into silence, he had said it and I didn't want to hear it again.

"You have a wife!" I cried out.

"I do not love her, would you rather drive me to insanity than break one mere human law? Who would care?" He knelt in front of me again and I kay my hands on his face.

"I would care." The tears were flowing freely now. His hands ran up my neck and her leant his head on my chest, crying and shaking.

"I can't lose you. Please dont go, I don't want to live without you." I wrapped my arms around Sandor and we cried together.

"I must leave you." I kissed his cheek then stood up and walked away from him. To know I would never feel his touch again killed me, but I had to respect myself.

That night, I fled Clegane Keep and never looked back.

It was hardly a holiday, it was an escape from everything I needed to get away from. I knew that death might face me at the end of the road for me but, I was no longer afraid of death. Death had been with me my whole life and I just felt like it was my time to join those i had missed.

When i collapsed on the doorsteps to a house after almost a week with hardly any food, water other rest, I didn't care what happened to me. I was too weak too function but i saw a light a mistook it for heaven, i thought i would see Jeyne and my parents and my brother again. But i fainted before it was revealed.

"Shes been asleep for a day and I don't know whether to wake her or not."

"Shsh Arya, it's not your place to wake a lady."

"You hush, Bran, stop telling Arya what to do and Arya, stop being stroppy." Opening my eyes I saw a man with a head of black hair, a girl with short brown hair, a boy with curly brown hair and a little boy with ginger hair, this was all before I was taken by sleep once more.

[Picset, follow me on tumblr](http://sansasandorshipper.tumblr.com/post/136938756740/picset)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for any praise, improvements, kudos or comments. I very much appreciate them, especially with this story as I intent to do more classic themed AU's Jane Eyre being my second favourite.


End file.
